


It's You

by eliospiano



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Sex, Love Confessions, M/M, NOLA, New Orleans, Originally Posted on Wattpad, Romance, Slow Burn, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-04-23 11:52:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 41,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14331903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliospiano/pseuds/eliospiano
Summary: Armie and Timmy are spending a week in the city of New Orleans. Although neither have confessed their feelings for each other, things get trickier as the story unfolds...





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can get through the first couple of chapters I swear it gets less cringy :)

New Orleans, La, February 7, 2018

Armie-

Watching him step out of the airport terminal sends me reeling, overwhelmed with an emotion that I can't seem to shake recently. It's only been a few weeks since we've seen each other but it's like the second I see his dark curls and lanky figure I can breathe right again. I'm so fucking nervous to see him, or maybe its excitement? I'm not sure. I know I shouldn't be nervous around him because it's Timmy, and he feels more like home than LA does. But right now my stomach is doing flips, and he can't know how he's making me feel. When he finally does see me across the room I can't help the sheepish smile that breaks across my face.

Timmy-

God I'm so tired, and I probably look like shit. What's keeping me going though is know that in less than 10 minutes I'll be with Armie. That his arms will be around me and his voice will be coming straight out of his mouth and not from some stupid phone. Just imagining his 6' 5" self causes me to smile out the window of the plane. Almost home, I think, almost to him.

When the plane lands I quickly gather my things and stand to get my suitcase from the compartment above my head. Once my headphones are off and put away in my bag I notice how many people are still sleeping, or are silently sitting around in no hurry to get off of the plane. None of them know that I'm currently ecstatic inside to see the man that I love... who will never love me. I force that last thought to fall away, impatiently waiting in line to get the hell off out of here.

I had thought at one point during filming that he may have had feelings for me: all of the longing looks, and the seemingly unconscious touches he gave back in Crema. When filming was through though, he and I became sort of distant; we were still friendly and loved being around each other, but our dynamic shifted. It was no longer Elio, Oliver, Armie, and Timothee.

It was Timmy.

Armie and Elizabeth. 

In that order. 

Not being able to hold him in public the way I would have in Crema, because it was acceptable there and part of the character, was difficult and made our relationship more platonic than I want. It also didn't help that he'd mentioned in an interview that we were like "brothers". That fucking hurt. But, with that being said, I'd rather be in pain and have him as a friend compared to not having him at all.

I step out of the hallway into the unfamiliar airport and look for him. I can't seem to find him in the waves of the crowd unti-Armie-. My god he looks even better than he did a few weeks ago. I notice immediately that he is clothed in none other than his famous black tracksuit, and I make a mental note to tease him for it later as a huge ass grin takes over my mouth. 

Armie-

He bounds his way over to me, suitcase trailing behind him, and I think I stop breathing completely. He lets go of his suitcase about a foot away from me and dumps his bookbag next to it, never breaking eye contact. 

"Armie, God man it's good to see you!", he says to me before reaching out with his long gangly limbs to embrace me. I oblige whole-heartedly, my heart literally beating out of my chest as I sigh into his hair. "Aw I've missed you too buddy". I'm praying that my hug seems friendly and not like a "I'm ready to melt into your arms" type of hug. Timmy looks up at me with this look in his eye that I can't read, which is frustrating because normally I can read this boy like a kindergarten book. Before I can think too much about that look I remember that we should probably get moving before someone recognizes one of us, and turn to grab his suitcase. I cannot stop smiling at him. "Follow me, Timmy T", I declare and gesture for him to follow.


	2. Chapter 2

Timmy-

Once we make it into the car he tells me about the hotel he booked, and how it's supposed to be one of the nicest places to stay in "NOLA" as he called it. He says he's already missing Hops and Ford a little but he knows that Liz was doing what was best when she decided to stay home with them. She wanted to spend more time with them, and Armie had told her he understood. 

Lucky me, I thought. As much as I love Liz, I want more than anything to spend a week with just Armie. When we were doing promos it was supposed to be just he and I, but Elizabeth had decided to come to every event, which was fine, but I just want him to myself for a bit. Its's so selfish of me to even think, I know, but I can't help what I feel and it's not like I've acted on anything. 

Back in Crema, Armie had rambled over dinner one night about how when he was 23 he and a group of his friends had gone to New Orleans in a spur-of-the-moment decision to attend Mardi Gras. He had had the time of his life, he said, and had always promised himself that he would go back to do it again someday, but had never gone through with the promise. So in the moment I told him that I would go with him next year, which is how we ended up where we are now. 

"You realize you're gonna have to show me around this time right?", I ask, referring to Crema when I was the one showing him everything. 

He grins at me, and briefly touches my arm before replying, "Oh, don't worry, there are so many things I'm going to show you."

Suddenly Armie is pulling into what appears to be a smaller part of the city. Each street is different; one street is beautiful, the next rundown, the next average. As we go along we come to a street that looks like it came straight from a painting.

"This is part of the French Quarter", Armie explains. The buildings are brightly colored and lined with intricately made balconies of all shapes and sizes. People are flooding the streets and we pass a church that Armie tells me in the St. Louis Cathedral; its breathtaking and apparently famous. 

Driving away from the pretty streets Armie speaks up," that was just a preview, the hotel we are staying at is a few miles outside of the Quarter. My travel agent said we should stay somewhere near the parade route, but we can still visit the quarter during the week."

When we pull up to the hotel, I hop out of the car and Armie gives his keys over to the Valet Service before leading me up the stairs with his hand on my back, guiding me. I look up at the building's sign, and read "Windsor Court" before setting my eyes on the path in front of me and stepping inside. Armie goes to get the keys for our rooms while I check out the lobby. It is lavishly decorated in deep reds and golds, and people are everywhere laughing, talking, and smiling. A saxophone player sits in the middle of the room softly playing his instrument and I feel my heart clinging to the sound, loving every second of it. Suddenly I hear Armie over the music saying something in an angry tone unlike himself and I walk over to him and place my arm on his shoulder.

"Whats wrong?", I ask feeling the need to console him.

"They double booked us T", his reply comes out short

"So...they don't have our rooms?"

"No, they have one room but not the other because the staff can't do their-", he pauses, pulling himself together before he says something harmful.

"I'm extremely sorry Mr. Hammer, if I could do anything to help I would but around this time of year we are completely booked", the woman says and I can tell she wants to crawl underneath the front desk and hide.

"Arm it's fine, c'mon we can just share the room", I suggest for the concierges sake. She gives me a small apologetic smile and I try to give her a reassuring one. 

"You sure?", he questions, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah man, it's cool, I don't mind."

"....Okay", he eventually mumbles.

I actually secretly like this better, I don't know why he seems so freaked out by the idea. 

Crisis averted, or so I thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Armie- 

I don't know why I'm surprised when T says he doesn't mind sharing a room. I can't explain why I'm so freaked out by it either; hell, we've filmed naked together!! So why should it be any different or weirder now? Probably because you weren't in fucking love with him back then, my subconscious throws in. 

Although this shouldn't be such a big deal, watching the beautiful boy walking in front of me feels like walking on thin ice between falling off of the bandwagon and keeping my shit together. Like I want him so much but know he'd laugh in my face. I think I'm so freaked out because sharing a room with him means sharing parts of me with him that he hasn't seen since Crema, back when we were different people. I tell myself to get over it because it's just T, but I must look completely out of it because Timmy's finger is poking into my side now and he's looking at me curiously. 

"You okay?", he asks with concern in his voice.

I want to say "me ok" but I know if I start spitting out lines from the movie it's going to make my longing for him worse. "Yeah dude I'm good, just hungry I think", I ruffle his hair because that's what we do and look ahead. He's already pressed the elevator button now and the second we get inside all of the air in the vicinity disappears. It feels like my lungs are on fire and my mind starts to think about pushing Timmy up against the wall in here and not releasing him until I rip that cute fucking sweater off of him. Thankfully the ding of the elevator signaling our floor cuts off my thoughts, and I clear my throat before stepping out. We joke a little about the room situation and I try to seem as unaffected as I can when we walk up to the door. 624. I put the key card in and open the door. I cringe for a half-second and mentally slap myself because I knew this was going to happen, I just fucking knew it...

Timmy-

THERE'S ONE BED. THERE IS ONLY ONE FUCKING BED. OF course there's ONE BED why am I so stupid. Oh god, we're both just standing here looking into the room not saying anything or moving as if the room was a prison cell. I take this opportunity to make it seem normal because it should be. "well", I begin, walking over to the window and dropping my suitcase off by the mini, "what's a good place to get some food around here? I'm starving."

Armie-

We end up at the restaurant that is directly connected to the hotel, not wanting to go too far because I know Timmy is tired though he'd never tell me. My nerves begin to settle the second the first glass of wine touches my lips, and we slowly begin to fall back into our "Crema" way of conversing. No filters, nothing left undebated. When we speak like this, every topic is free reign and nothing is off of the table. 

T has been animatedly talking about this script he's been reading for this role he really wants, and I'm trying hard to pay attention but keep getting caught off guard by his lips moving. They're so perfect, I think. He catches me at that second looking and I try to get myself out of it. 

"You have something on your..", I lie, and wipe my own lip to show him where he needs to wipe his . He looks me straight in the eyes as he lets his pink tongue fall out of his mouth to swipe his lower lip.

"Did I get it?", he asks sweetly. I nod and toss back the rest of my glass of wine. It was going to be a long meal.

By the time we get to the entrée he is literally moaning at how good his food is and I'm trying to hide that it's making me hard. Fucking Timmy. He isn't used to the flavorful food of Louisiana and is enjoying every taste. I on the other hand, ordered something I had never heard of before without looking at the description and disliked the warm crème sauce on top. I don't realize I'm making a face until Timothee throws his head back in laughter. 

"You hate it!", he says like it's a fact.

"No...", I try to counter, "It's not awful", I try to sound convincing, but it's no use because he's already switching plates with me. He tastes my dish and giggles.

"It's the anchovies, Arm. You hate anchovies." He's right. I do. How does he remember these things?

I'm suddenly hyper-aware that the outer lining of my shoe is touching the toe of his, and my stomach is burning because of it. Timmy either doesn't notice this or doesn't care because he's smiling at me, unaffected. 

"Go ahead and try mine, you'll love it." He's right I do love it. I pour myself another glass of wine.

Timmy-

When we get back to the hotel room I'm tired and Armie goes to pee. Before I think too much about what I'm doing I hop into the bed and check my socials. I shoot my mom a quick text updating her on where I am when I hear the bathroom door open. A tired-looking Armie rounds the corner and does a big hop onto the bed next to me. He sprawls himself across the king size and one hand lands on my knee, his head facing me but his eyes closed. He lets out this big sigh like he's content and happy and it fills my heart with joy. I don't think about what I'm doing when I reach out and run a single hand through his already messy hair. This is how we used to be without even thinking twice. It used to be instinct for me to touch him, his hair, his shoulders. And even though I want this and so much more, I'd settle for a little hair touching as long as I get to be close to him. 

He smiles a small smile, eyes still closed and whispers, "I love this Oliver", so quietly I can barely hear it while tracing my knee with his index.

Eventually Armie falls asleep and I take a few minutes to admire him. His broad shoulders and smaller waist. His tan, rough skin and his silky blonde hair. Those blue eyes tucked under his eyelids that I'd love to kiss. I want to wrap my frame around him and never let go. Instead, I slip off my sweater, lean over him to switch off the lamp on his bedside table, and place a ghost of a kiss on his right temple. I crawl under the comforter and get as humanly close to him as I can even though I am under the covers and he is above them. I drift off thinking about blue eyes and tan skin on mine.


	4. Chapter 4

Armie-

When I wake up the first thing I notice is that my back hurts. Great. The second thing is that Timmy has his head curled into my shoulder, his warmth spreading through my whole body. He is fast asleep and I find myself wishing this is how I could wake up every morning.

I feel guilty at the thought, knowing Elizabeth is at home with our two children while I'm in bed with another human being wishing I could be with them. I'm a pig; but our marriage hasn't been the same since Crema, and I think we both know it. When promos began I thought that she could tell I had feelings for him, and maybe she does, but knowing that it would cause trouble I blurted out in an interview one day that Timmy was like a brother to me. I was hoping to cover my tracks. I love Elizabeth so much but my love for Timmy is different, and stronger somehow. I'm not sure how to love them both. 

*ding*. My phone reads: "Liz <3"

E- Good Morning Husband, miss you tons, how's the trip going? Tell T hi for me.

A-Morning baby, miss you more, going great. Timmy's loving it so far I think. He says hey. Kiss Hops and Ford for me, love you. 

I'm such a fucking liar. I put my phone down and run a hand through my hair just a Timmy starts to stir and slowly opens his eyes.

Timmy-

"Good Morning sleeping beauty", in a deep, groggy voice is the first thing I hear when I wake. I wipe my eyes to make sure this is real and then remember where we are. Armand Hammer has to be the most gorgeous person I have ever woken up to. 

"Fuck off tracksuit", I say putting a lazy smile on my face. I move away from him, realizing I was pressed into his side now. It's funny how my body knows it wants him even when my mind is asleep. 

I have to pee, so I get up and grab my tooth brush from my bag, walk over to the bathroom and shut the door. After staring at myself in the mirror trying to figure out how to keep my emotions under control, I brush my teeth and psych myself up to spend the day with him without blurting shit out that will give me away. After gulping down some water from the faucet and relieving myself into the toilet bowl, I'm ready to face the day. 

When I walk back out I'm not prepared for a shirtless Armie standing before me, and new t-shirt in hand, dark khaki shorts on that hit a little above the knee. His hair is an unruly mess and his beard scruffy. He looks like a damn model and I can't help but let my eyes linger on his toned torso for a bit too long. My stomach drops when he notices me looking and he laughs, "see something you like Timmy T?", he jokes. You have no clue. He comes closer and playfully swats me with his shirt before walking past me into the bathroom, shutting the door.

Armie- 

I decide to bring him to the only proper place to go on your first morning in New Orleans. Café Du Monde. It's busier than I have ever seen it, but we still manage to find a table towards the back. I go up to the counter and order 2 orders of beignets and 2 coffees, one black and one with cream because I know how Timmy likes it and walk back over to the table. Timmy looks at the beignet like it's a foreign animal and it might bite if he gets too close. 

"It looks like a a fluffy biscuit with sugar on top", he says, confused.

"Yea that's basically what it is but just try it, you'll be amazed."

We both bite into them at the same time and he starts to laugh because I must look ridiculous trying to eat it. What he doesn't realize is when you breathe out, such as you do when you laugh, the powder on top of the beignet goes everywhere. When he realizes he's covering me with powder it makes him laugh harder, and suddenly my hair, face, and black shirt are full of the white sugar. 

"Armie I'm so sorry, I didn't know!", he yelps in that cute high-pitched voice he uses when he's embarrassed. I love that voice.

"It's okay buddy, it's alright", I smile and pat his shoulder.

Timmy-

Armie asks if there's anything in particular that I want to do today. I tell him to take me wherever he wants to go and he thinks about it for a moment. 

"I've heard the New Orleans Museum of Art is beautiful", he remarks.

"Let's go there then", is my simple reply. He looks up the address and puts it into my phone and hands it back to me to give him the directions. I'm not the greatest navigator though, and we end up taking two wrong turns before we finally end up somewhere that looks like a park. The trees are all green and lively and families are spread along the grass. We drive up to a large building which must be the museum and find a parking place near the front. 

I open the door for Armie and take my place next to him while he tries to buy the tickets. I'm faster though, and hand my card to the cashier before he can even get his wallet out. 

"No fair", he whines like a baby.

"Like isn't fair Arm", I look back and wink at him. 

It's quiet in here, but it's a comfortable quiet and I like it. I can understand the attraction to the museum immediately, with the colors of the walls and the blending of the art making everything look like it came from a movie. As much as I enjoy the artwork, I love watching Armie look at the art even more. He studies each one and seems to make a decision about if he likes it before moving on. He reminds me of Oliver for a moment, so curious about everything.

It takes us about half and hour to make it to the second floor because Armie can't stop gushing over these Elizabethan-Era portraits, and his eyes are so full of childlike wonder. I decide that my favorite room is one that is filled with different whimsical paintings and sculptures. Everything in the room is alive with color, and it's as if the second you walk into the room it takes over your mind and takes you somewhere else. I think I like it because Armie has the same effect on me. 

Armie-

He fits into this museum as if he is the art and everything around us is just detailing. When we make it to the third floor it is full of Greek statues along marble walls. For a second I look over to Timothee who is regarding a statue of a beautiful woman whose name I do not know, and he is Elio again. I am Oliver. It's such a strange feeling that still ties us to these characters, and it's a feeling that I have accepted because I know it will never go away. Timmy glances up at me through his waves of hair and I know he can feel it too. It could be because during those months and playing those characters were the only times I felt his lips on mine. Except for that one night....


	5. Chapter 5

Note: Armie and Timmy are still currently in the Museum, this is just a flashback :)

Crema, May 31st, 2016

The two men were tired from filming earlier that day as they had filmed the scene of Monet's Berm along with the first kiss sequence. Armie had gone back to his apartment to spend a little time with Elizabeth and Timmy had gone home to shower. They had agreed to meet up in a little while to grab drinks and have dinner at their favorite Italian restaurant, but Armie had a better idea instead and texted Timmy:

A-hey why don't we just have a kick back tonight

T-movie and gelato?

A-perfect

T- what about food im starvinggg?

A-leave it all up to me, see you in soon ;)

T-lol ok man 

About 20 minutes later there was a knock at the door. Timmy opened it to see a happy Armie with two grocery bags in his arms. 

"Well, are you going to invite me in, or let me die out here with all of this food?"

"Come on dude", was Timothee's reply. Armie walks into the kitchen and after setting the bags down begins rummaging around looking for a pan and a spatula.

"I brought over a few movies I had if you want them", Armie said gesturing to the 3 boxes on the counter," go pop in whatever movie you want while I cook." He pulls my favorite wine out of one of the grocery bags.

"You're cooking?", Timmy's voice comes out surprised as he walks up beside Armie.

"Yea Tim, I'm cooking", he chuckles," what, you didn't know I could cook?"

Timmy shakes his head, " We've only ever eaten out together, or had dinner at Lucas."

Armie nods, understanding, then glares at Timmy in a joking manner, "Out of my kitchen, Andiamo Americano!", he quotes the movie while playfully pushing Timmy out of the kitchen.

When Armie returns Timmy is tucked into the bed, remote in hand, ready to press play. Armie places a plate of what looks to be blackened redfish and a side of bacon wrapped asparagus onto Timmy's lap. It's mouthwatering. He also hands Timmy a glass of his favorite red wine.

At this point in filming Armie has already begun to have feelings for Timmy but he pushes them away as best he can. He's never been attracted to a man before and knows his feelings are wrong because he has a wife and a family he is responsible for. Somewhere deep, deep inside he knows this boy has had his heart since they met, but can't do anything about it. 

Timmy on the other hand, doesn't know how to decipher his feelings because he is a lot newer to the concept of "love" and "feelings". He knows he is sexually attracted to Armie, but is convinced it's just an extremely deep school-girl type of crush. He hopes it will fix itself and go away over time. They're both aware of the connection they have as human beings though, and appreciate how well they can understand each other.

They've already started to eat when Timmy tries to talk with food in his mouth

"How doa think fmkalk went tuhday", he tries to speak.

Armie looks at him like he grew another head. Timmy swallows his food and tries again.

"How do you think filming went today", his voice clear this time.

"I think it went really well, especially the kiss. I don't know where you pulled that licking Oliver's lips thing from but that was hot and Luca loved it!", Armie says, praising his co-star.

"Thanks dude, no I don't know where it came from either but it felt really right at that moment and out of nowhere I was licking you, well, Oliver..", he laughs uncontrollably. 

They'd finished their food and Timmy had gone to get the Gelato from the freezer, handing the Vanilla to Armie and a spoon. Timmy preferred Chocolate and sat back in bed with the gelato and sighed. 

"Alright what movie did you pick?," Armie asks while shoveling in another bite. 

"Uhm you'll see", Timmy says with a sneaky gleam in his eye," It's not one you brought, it's one I had."

Timmy puts down his ice cream and grabs the remote, pressing the play button.

The Social Network, flashes across the screen.

"Oh fuck no, Tim c'mon man", Armie says, reaching for the remote. But Timothee lifts the remote higher, not wanting Armie to win. 

"Aw Arm, what's wrong? Don't wanna watch your own movie?", Timmy taunts him.

"No T, I don't",

Timmy stands up on the bed but Armie isn't budging. 

"Timmy this is ridiculous, turn it off", he rolls his eyes and puts down his empty carton. Suddenly Armie thinks of a way he can get the remote out of his hands and gets up on his knees. He catches Timmy off guard and tackles him, pulling him down onto his back. In one swift motion he straddles Timmy's thighs and pushes his hands up to headboard, pinning them there with his own hands. 

The remote falls off of the bed and the tv turns off, but Armie doesn't take his eyes off of Timmy. He observes T like this, restrained beneath him, a small patch of skin showing near his hipbone where is shirt has ridden up. Armie looks in his eyes, searching for a sign of what to do next; he can see in Timmy's eyes that he wants this too, and before his brain can catch up with his body, he places a single kiss to Timmy's bottom lip.

The fire in his stomach lingers there slow and burning. Timmy surprises him by responding immediately, bringing his hands into Armie's hair and involuntarily moaning into the kiss. Armie drags one hand up Timmy's shirt feeling the soft, warm skin. When Timmy goes to wrap his legs around Armie's waist, Armie realizes what he's doing and abruptly gets up, trying to create as much space between he and the man as he can in the small room. He clears his throat before speaking.

"Sorry about that", his voice is lower than before. He doesn't know where to look or what to say but he lets his eyes wander anywhere but the bed. Timmy is still sitting up on the bed and slightly out of breath with a noticeable bulge in his shorts. 

"Its.. Uh it's okay dude, I guess we both can't seem to get out of character tonight, huh", Timmy tries to cover up what just happened. 

"Yea, I know, sometimes I can't get out of Oliver's head. It messes with me", Armie lets Timmy believe that's what's going on. 

"Same for me with Elio", Timmy reciprocates," Do you still want to watch a movie?"

"I think I'm just gonna head back, I'm pretty tired and Elizabeth gets worried when I'm home late."

They both cringe a little at the word "Elizabeth", but neither of them mentions it. Armie turns to walk out of the door and calls out behind him," Night bud!."

"Night Arm", Timmy whispers, still sitting on the bed. He puts his head in his hands, realizing his feelings are so much more complicated than he thought.


	6. Chapter 6

Timmy-

I finally quite literally drag the large man out of the museum that we have been in for 3 hours now. The sun is out, high in the sky, and the heat is just right, a beautiful temperature. Armie explains that the weather is almost never this beautiful, and that around here the weather is unpredictable. I can't imagine this place being less than gorgeous. 

We stop at a small hamburger place to grab a quick bite to eat, and Armie decides we should go to a parade later on. He grabs his phone and begins to list off the ones for today, reading them aloud to me.

"Babylon starts at 5:30...if we go now we could make it there in enough time, and then at 6:30 Chaos starts and Muses at 7:30. Oh! Yea, Muses is the one where they throw high-heels at you!", he rambles.

I'm alarmed at how casually he throws out these names because they all sound like gibberish to me... and shoes?? They're throwing women's shoes at us? I just nod along, trying to go with it. 

"Don't worry", he says as his phone rings, "it sounds weird now but just wait." Armie pulls out his phone and starts talking to someone about meeting them somewhere on St. Charles street; I could not be more confused. Are we meeting friends of his? Wouldn't he have said something? What if they don't like me and Armie only talks to them? I don't say anything though because I told him we could do whatever he wants and I can't be a hypocrite about it. 

About 25 left and right turns, 8 stoplights, and a crap ton of people in the streets later, we come up to a side street of St. Charles. It takes Armie what feels like a hundred years to park, but he doesn't seem bothered by it. When we finally get out of the car we walk a block or so to St. Charles before we round a corner and Armie stops. 

"Roberto!", Armie yells, and some guy around his age turns around and shakes his hand. 

"Mr. Hammer! So nice to finally meet you! Everything you asked for has been set up for you here, and your ladders are those two there", he exclaims while pointing to two red ladders. Still lost, I think. Armie hands Roberto an envelope and reaches out to shake his hand again. " Thank you so much again for doing this for us man, we will also be needing these here for the rest of the week, but your payment is already in there. Happy Mardi Gras!", Armie tells the man. 

"You too Mr. Hammer", he calls as he walks away, patting me on the shoulder as he passes me.

"So you paid this guy to save us a place?"

"Yes", Armie explains," some people come out here 8 hours early to save a place for their family, and I didn't want to have to do that since you wanted to see the city, so I hired Roberto to set things up and save this space for us."

"That's awesome Arm thank you, you didn't have to do that man", I say, giving his bicep a small squeeze.

 

"Anything for you."

Armie-

I'm so excited for this parade, but with 30 minutes left until it starts I realize I need a drink. Luckily Roberto got my last-minute message to grab us a couple of drinks, but the man brought a whole cooler full and some chairs! I grab two beers from the cooler and sit, handing one over to Timmy. I know that these are his favorite and I love watching his smile light up the whole damn street of people as he takes it from me. 

"This is so weird, you don't think?" he squints.

"What, the beer?"

"No no, just I don't know I've never been to one of these and I don't really know what to do."

"Alright T", I lean into him a little," I'm gonna tell you the key to Mardi Gras...have the most fun you can, and be the most you that you can be, because here no one is judging you, and everyone is having fun."

I watch his eyes shine at my words.

When the bands begin to roll and I see the first float coming down the street, I grab Timmy by the wrist and pull him with me to the ladders. 

"So we just stand up on them and wave?", he asks curiously.

"Yea, watch", I step up onto my ladder and put the beer on top. He follows my lead and steps up onto his, but he's wobbly on his feet and seems a little nervous about taking his hands off of the ladder. I see this and by instinct I hop off of my own ladder and move it closer to his so that they're almost touching. I get back up and throw my arm around his shoulders hoping it will make him feel more secure, and he looks up at me, seeming a little more relaxed. 

An hour later we're halfway through the first parade, and Timmy is flooded with beads and roses and has already been kissed on the cheek by two dancers from passing bands. These people fucking love him. A group of college kids have joined us on our right side, and they're all talking to him, laughing. He steps off of the ladder to go talk to one of the guys and I turn back with my third beer in hand waving at the next float.

Timmy- 

This is so much fun. I wish I would have known about this years ago. The people are all so nice and the floats are intricate and it's the coolest thing when some complete stranger on a float points to you out of the whole crowd and throws you something. Then they blow you a kiss, wave, and move onto the next person. It's beautiful and somehow saddening to make a connection to someone so quickly and to just keep going like it was nothing. My favorite thing about this whole experience though is doing it with Armie. I like learning from him, and god if his eyes don't look even bluer tonight than usual even though it's dark. Is bluer a word? Maybe I've had a lot to drink...no I think I'm only on 3? 

The people next to us seem cool and I go to talk to a couple of them and before I know it they're inviting me out for a drink on Bourbon and I've accepted. I turn back to look at my guy who has his hands in the air, shouting at the floats, and walk up beside him. 

I tug on the side of his coat like a child and he climbs off of the ladder. He steps off a little wobbly and he pulls me beside him by the waist.

"Hey these guys wanna go get a drink do you want to go?", I hesitantly ask him.

Armie- 

Timmy's question catches me off guard because I thought that he'd want to stay for the rest of the parades. I flick my eyes to the group of kids, one of which is eyeing Timmy, looking him up and down and I try to blink away the jealousy that courses through me. I remind myself that the boy standing before me is not mine therefore I have no right to be jealous.

"Where do they wanna go?" I ask, my voice not sounding right.

"Uhh.. somewhere on Bourbon", is his reply.

The guy that was eyeing my boy calls out to Timmy.

"You comin man?", the college kid says in a loose tone. I want to knock the ego off of his face. Timmy turns to look at me as if I'm the defining factor of his decision.

I don't want to go but I should for Timmy's sake especially since I just told him to have as much fun as he can. Fuck me and my advice. 

I plaster on a smile for him," Yea sure, why not? 

20 minutes later we're in an Uber, a black Ford Explorer, with a guy named Jerry in the front passenger seat, Timmy in the middle of the middle section of seats with me on his right and the prick who's flirting with him on his left. In the back are three guys whose names I haven't learned. I turn my head from the window to look at Timmy, but he's talking to the douche bag again. Suddenly the brown eyed asshole looks away from Timmy to me and gives me a wry smile. 

"I don't believe we've met", he drags, some sort of accent in his voice I didn't notice at first," I'm Trey". 

Of fucking course he has a fucking accent that sounds like he's from London and of fucking course his name is Trey. Timmy and Trey, what a cute fucking couple. I do my best to remain cool and collected.

"Armie, great to meet you," is all that comes from my mouth.

"You guys from around here or just visiting?", he questions.

"No, uh actually Timothee is from New York and I'm from LA. Just here for Mardi Gras".

"Oh nice, New York huh? I spent a semester there in my freshman year of college for a sort of foreign exchange type of deal, but I never met anyone there who looked like you", he says to Timothee, and licks his lips.

My Timmy blushes a deep crimson and I want to bang my head against the car window. Or Trey's head. Either works.

Thankfully we pull up then, and the guy Jimmy covers the fare. The bar we end up at is packed, barely any breathing room, and for a 6'5" guy this really sucks. I take a deep breath before following Timmy inside, silently praying this won't be too painful.


	7. Chapter 7

Timmy-

When we pull up to the curb and step out of the car I can automatically tell that this isn't anything like I'm used to. The "bar" that we've shown up at actually looks more like a club from what I can see, and it's definitely packed tonight. 

I notice that the building is a burnt orange and about 3 stories high, with two upper balconies. The guys begin to walk in and I follow them with Armie right behind me. I reach back for him instinctively because we're body-to-body in here like sardines and I don't feel like losing my only sense of familiarity in a damn club.

He's feeling forward as well and our hands find each other, his wrapping over mine as we try to navigate through the mess of sweaty people. My heart is soaring and my stomach churning from his simple touch. I don't know how he still has this affect on me even after filming with him and knowing him for almost 3 years, but every touch feels like a new place to explore. When we finally reach the bar he quickly drops my hand and it makes me slightly upset, but I say nothing about it and turn to Trey.

"How the hell are we supposed to get a drink with so many people at the bar?", I yell over the noise.

"Just wait here I'll be quick", he shouts. Trey walks away and returns minutes later holding three beers.

"Sorry about that love, I was hoping it would be a little less crowded so that we could talk", Trey shrugs.

"It's fine man, I kind of want to go check out the balcony I saw on the way in here, so we'll be right back!", I tell Trey, who looks a little hurt. I wonder why? He's got all of his friends here, he doesn't need us. I turn toward Armie who needs no explanation of where we are going as I begin to drag him away, towards the stairs.

Armie- 

Jeez I feel like the oldest person here. I feel like one of those middle-aged guys who is trying to relive his younger years because he's unhappy with his life. When we walk in I try to grab onto T's shirt but his hand was searching for mine so I grab it. It feels so natural for us to hold hands like this. It feels like his and my hands were made specifically to hold each other. I start to overthink it and drop his hand the second we get to the bar. I have too much alcohol in my system for this shit.

While Timmy talks to Sir Asshole, I observe them while pretending to look around the bar, which definitely seems more like a club. I feel like Timmy is better off with these guys, and probably better off with Trent. Was that his name? Trevor? Trey. I can't help but roll my eyes while watching him flirt with Timmy. The best part is, T doesn't even notice it. Most of the time he's oblivious to men and women hitting on him. I'm not sure how, because most people make it very clear and he's just polite back. I don't think I could take it to watch him flirt with anyone. I feel physically ill just thinking about it. What I do know is I can't let Timmy leave my side because I think if I lost him in this mess I'd have a full panic attack.

Trey leaves and comes back with beer. I greatly appreciate the gesture, but I still hate him. I chug half of it and before I know it Timmy is pulling me away towards a staircase. We walk up the stairs practically holding hands like a damn couple, but he keeps me behind him the whole time as if he is trying to protect me. How odd. When we get to the second floor it is a little less crowded, and there is another bar here too. I let go of Timmy to ask the nice young lady to sell me her best bottle of Bourbon.

My bourbon and I wait outside of the Men's room for Timmy to finish his business, and he comes out pulling up his fly. He looks at me and motions for me to follow him up yet another flight of stairs. These lead to an open room with tables set up and a hanging velvet rope across the entryway with a "No Trespassing" sign. There are doors at the back the large room that lead to another balcony and it finally hits me where he wants to go. 

Timmy looks at me innocently and smiles before unhooking the rope from one side and pressing himself against the stairway with an arm out, pointed into the room. 

"Ladies first", he exclaims with a grin.

I turn to look back down the stairs before looking my boy in the eyes again and making a rash decision.

"Oh God fine, c'mon before somebody sees us", I utter and push him along with me. We step outside of the French doors and see that the balcony has a patio connected to it with surrounding cement walls that are about 3 feet tall. I grab his hand this time and pull him over to the walls. We both climb up onto the walls and I sit criss-cross, while he has his knees bent in front of him. I open the bottle of bourbon and take a long, slow drink from the bottle, enjoying the burn in the back of my throat. I can feel that feeling again when I look down

"Look", is all I can muster up, hoping that he'll see what I see.

Timmy-

The sight before me is one that isn't describable with words. It's a feeling. This feeling is so strong it's almost palpable. I can taste it. Nothing like New York, nothing like the view there. This is a feeling far more personal for some reason. The city and I were making a connection in that moment, watching people still flooding the beautifully damaged streets below me. Somewhere in the distance I can hear a jazz instrument playing off of the walls, but can't figure out which instrument. It feels so much like home here even though the city and I have barely met. 

Armie- 

"You feel that, huh?", I ask him. I hope he does.

"Yes", his voice is barely a whisper.

The air between us has shifted somehow, and there's a tension now that wasn't there minutes ago.

"I felt it when I was 23, and I feel it now. This is why I wanted to come back. I've never felt like this anywhere else. Well.. I felt something for Crema too of course, but that was a whole other, deeper feeling", I realize my words might not be making sense but I don't stop," and when we were talking about it in Crema, about coming here, it made me realize you were the only one who would make this feeling even better, the only person who would understand it."

I have to stop talking before I go further, but he's looking at me like he wants me to continue. When I don't, because I know better, he looks down at his feet. 

"Good thing you have me here then, huh?", he chuckles and playfully pushes into my shoulder. The way he's looking at me with that grin and almost devilish eyes is making me wonder:

"Are you flirting with me?", I ask him in a joking manner.

"Maybe", he replies brushing his hair out of his face," but only because you're enjoying it."

I can't tell if he's being serious or not but it takes everything in me not to lean into him. 

I realize I want to tell him. I want to say it to him right now, in this moment; I want to tell him how I feel. I know it's going to fuck up my entire life, and might ruin our friendship but he has to know. My heart is beating out of my chest and I wonder if he can hear it. 

"Timmy", I breathe, ready to spill everything to him.

At the same time a louder, accent-filled voice calls out, "Timmy!", from a distance.

Trey's head is poking out of the doors we came through and he walks through them, toward us, stopping me from continuing my sentence.

I'm not sure if I'm mad or relieved.


	8. Chapter 8

Timmy-

I hear the words come out of my mouth, but I didn't mean to say them.

"Maybe, but only because you're enjoying it."

Did I really just blurt that out? I have to admit I have been flirting with him a little but I could blame it on the alcohol if I wanted to. I didn't expect him to call me out on it! When I look at him again, he has this look in his eyes that I can only describe as longing. Longing for what?

At the same second that Armie says my name with so much emotion it could make me melt right there, Treys voice comes from nowhere also calling out my name. It cuts Armie short and I wish Trey would turn around and go back inside so that Armie can finish what he was saying.

"Timmy", Trey says again," Come back down and dance with me a little! Bring the big guy too if you want", he says clasping my shoulder in his large hand. He's obviously drunk and I have a feeling he's not going to take no for an answer. I look at Armie who looks like he's somewhere else mentally.

"Arm", I hit his knee,"You comin'?"

"Uhh.. you guys go ahead", he looks away," I'll be down in a few minutes I need to make a call anyway."

I don't like how strange he's acting but I nod and get up to walk away with Trey. Before I can get too far I feel his familiar hand wrap around my wrist.

"Call me if you need..I know I don't need to tell you that..but I do", he says, unsmiling.

I try to smile at him and then walk back toward the building to get to the dance floor.

Trey is falling all over, and he's very touchy-feely which is not a good mixture when you're drunk. I lead him as best I can to the dance floor. We start off a few feet away from each other, swaying loosely, but when the song changes to be more upbeat he gets a little closer and starts to really dance on me. I can get with the rhythm of the song to dance with him, but I'm a little uncomfortable because he seems to be a bit too friendly about it. After a while he tries to grab me by my waist and loops a finger into my belt, pulling me into his chest.

He only has about two inches of height on me but it feels like he's towering over me now and I begin to feel claustrophobic.

"Hey man, I have to pee, I'll be back", I lie, wanting to get away from him.

I walk briskly to the bathroom and walk to the sinks, washing my hands and looking in the mirror.

I picture Trey pressed up against me on the dance floor and my chest starts to tighten so I quickly replace his image with Armie. I can breathe again.

I look up when I hear the door open, and it's him. Not Armie, but Trey. He looks at me with this sneer on his face, looking like a completely different person from the one I met at the parade. He walks towards me and as I try to push past him he grabs me by my shoulders and pushes me into the wall behind me.

"You know Timmy, I've been trying to talk to you all night but all you seem to want to do is hang out with that giant, what's a man gotta do for some attention?", he's slurring his words.

"Dude can you let me go? We have been hanging out don't be like this", I try to reason with him.

I attempt to push his hands off of me but he's a lot stronger than he looks. He pushes me harder into the wall and grabs my face with one hand underneath my chin, his potent-liquored breath filling my lungs. His gaze is animal-like.

"I don't think we're going anywhere Tim", he smiles, not one of happiness but one of malice.

"Please don't", I plead with him.

He covers my mouth with his, forcing my head against the wall, his hand falling from my face and trailing down my stomach. I feel disgusting, as if he was enveloping me in a disease that there's no way to fight off. I'm not strong enough to fight him off. When his hand reaches the top of my jeans I panic a little, how far is he going to take this? When he finally takes his cold lips off of my mouth I scream the first thing that comes to mind.

"ARMIE", I yell.

God there's no way he's going to hear me and I can feel myself losing all strength. His hand undoes my pants and unzips them before he grabs me through my boxers making me wince in pain. As embarrassed as I would be I pray that someone comes in here to get him off of me. While he begins to palm me, he slams my head into the wall again, sticking his tongue down my throat.

Armie-

I didn't make a phone call. I sit there for a while just contemplating what to do and drinking a little more of my bourbon. Eventually getting my shit together, I begin my long walk down the two flights of stairs to find Timmy. I realize I haven't peed all night so I go to make a quick stop at the 1st floor bathroom. When I open the door I nearly throw up at the sight that meets my eyes. Timmy is against the wall with Trey holding him there. Timmy is shaking, his whole body rejecting what's happening. He and I make eye contact and it takes me all of two seconds to rip the boy off of my Timmy.

I know what happened without even having to ask, and I can't stop myself from throwing Trey to the ground. I don't think about it when my fist connects with his jaw for the first time, or the 5th. I don't feel the stinging pain shoot through my hand until it's bleeding and bruised. I don't hear Timmy yelling for me to stop until he's on my back pulling me off of Trey.

It's like everything was silent.

When I do regain my hearing back, Timmy has tears in his eyes and Trey is nearly unconscious, probably with a broken jaw and nose. I look down at him and hear the venom in my voice when I say,

"I'd get the fuck out of New Orleans if I were you because If I see your face ever again, you're dead."

I look at Timmy, and although he doesn't seem to really be physically hurt, I pull him as gently as possible into me.

"God", is all I can whisper, over and over while he sobs into my shoulder. His thin arms wrap around my neck and he burrows his face there. I kiss the top of his head on his matted hair, hugging him tighter and hope I'm not hurting him.

I should have never let him go alone, I think.

Timmy-

The car ride back to the hotel is short, and the Uber doesn't ask us questions when I get in with a tear-soaked shirt and blood-shot eyes. I bury my head into Armie the whole way there, and he hasn't let go of my knee since we got in the car.

When we finally make it back to the hotel room I feel like I may burst into tears again, but Armie crawls onto the bed under the covers and opens his arms. The invitation takes away a lot of the pain and I make my way to him, still feeling disgusting. The room is freezing but I don't say anything as I lean sideways into his chest.

"I'm so sorry Timothee", he whispers into my hair.

"It's not your fault", I choke on my words. It's not his fault at all. I can not have him thinking that this his fault, it was completely out of his control.

He notices me shiver and sits up abruptly. He pulls his shirt off of his body and pulls me back into him. He did this with me one time is Crema after I had gone swimming in freezing water. He had laid on the grass and let me lay with him to warm me up. For a solid two weeks after that I'd referred to him as my "human heater".

I nuzzle there trying not to think about how he is just comforting me, and that I can't get used to this or else I'll be disappointed when he stops. He softly strokes my long hair for a while, and I hear his stomach rumble a few minutes later.

"Someone's hungry", I say to try to lighten the mood.

He plays along to keep my mind off of the incident," What gave me away?", he asks.

I climb off of him and begin to walk towards the bathroom. I stop to grab clothes from my bag before explaining. 

"I have to wash...him off of me", I tell Armie, who visibly tenses.

"Do you need help or anything- I mean, is there anything I can do for you?", he sounds concerned.

"Order me some food if you get anything please", I say," I won't be long." I walk into the bathroom and run the water as hot as possible before grabbing my toothbrush. I brush my teeth 3 times and strip down to get in the shower. I wash my body 3 times as well before I feel like I've finally gotten his presence off of me. When I walk back out Armie is sitting with two food trays on the bed and a room service cart in the middle of the room. His hand is wrapped in princess bandages which I can only assume were originally his daughters'. 

I look at what must be 12 different types of food in front of me, complete with ice cream as well. Vanilla and Chocolate, I think, interesting. It reminds me of that time in Crema when we kissed. It's funny to me now how I had played it off like it was my character. Was he lying that night too?

"I didn't know what you wanted so I got a bunch of things", Armie smiles slightly, " and I rented a movie if you want to take your mind off of things, but if you want to talk about what happened we can do that too."

"Not tonight Arm, lets just watch the movie for now."

I end up eating 2 pieces of pizza, fries, 3 chicken strips, and ice cream.

Armie falls asleep halfway through the movie and I take the opportunity to curl up into him. Let him push me away in the morning if he wants, I need this right now.


	9. Chapter 9

Armie-

When I wake up Timmy is not in the room. I quickly get up and change into jeans before picking up my phone to call him. I put the phone to my ear and he answers with a

"Hello?"

"Hey. where are you?", I know I sound a little frantic but last time he wasn't with me he was almost hurt so I have a right to be a little worried.

"Hey sorry I got up early and went for a walk to clear my head but uhm..", The door to our room clicks open," I'm here now."

I turn to look up and Timmy is coming through the door with coffee and beignets, a baseball cap and black long-sleeve shirt on with pants.

"Hey again.", he says in a small voice. He's acting funny.

"Hi Timmy", I don't know what to say because he's acting so strange. I try to engage a little with him as I walk back to the bed and sit on the edge of it.

"How was your walk?"

"It was good, semi-enlightening but also confusing.", he sounds like he's talking about more than just Trey and now I'm the confused one.

I can't stand how much smaller he seems right now, even his movements and posture are different. I pat the spot next to me and he puts the food and coffee down and does what I said.

"Do you want to talk about last night? you seem different and it's freaking me out honestly", I try to be straight-forward but gentle.

His eyes gloss over a little and he begins,

"Do you want to know the whole thing?"

I do and I don't but my head wins and I nod.

As Timmy tells me what happened I can feel myself begin to shake. Shaking out of anger, and shaking out of sadness. I hate myself for not protecting him. At some point I start to cry, right around when he tells me that he felt like he should just give up and let Trey win. But then at that moment I walked in and saved the day. I sarcastically think, what a fucking hero I am huh?

"Why are you tearing up, Jesus Armie don't fucking cry on me man it's not your fault."

I wipe my tears away as fast as they came.

"Timmy I'd be crying whether it was my fault or not. He assaulted you, and I let him get away. I should have hurt him worse....", then under my breath," should've killed him."

"Don't say that! I know you don't mean it, I wish you wouldn't have hurt him in the first place you nearly knocked him-", I cut him off,

"Well that's what you do for the people you love Timmy", it comes out of my mouth and I want to push the words back in but I can't.

He doesn't say anything about my comment which both worries me and takes pressure from my shoulders.

"I don't really want to talk about it anymore alright?", Timmy runs his hands through his hair, "It happened, it's over, and I don't feel like having our trip ruined by this."

I think about what he's saying for a second.

"Fine. If you can get over it I guess I'll have to too."

"Pass me the beignets and the coffee on the right, I got yours black", he says.

"Aww you know me so well", I smile at him.

Timmy-

Armie takes a quick shower and I look for something to wear but I have no clue what to wear since I don't know where we are going today. I felt so dumb earlier walking around in 80 degree heat with a long-sleeve on, but I didn't realize it would be so hot. Luckily by the time I got hungry and overheated I found myself at a beignet place a couple of blocks from the hotel.

I think about his words from minutes ago, that's what you do for the people you love, Timmy. He said it in a way that felt like he meant more than just as family, but that couldn't possibly be true, could it? No, I tell myself, there's no way he could have meant it as anything more. He's happily married, I think. On my walk I did think about Trey, but I also thought about Armie. I came to the conclusion that there's no more hiding it. I'm not going to pretend that I don't like him, but I'm also not going to outwardly confess either. He'll have to figure it out for himself.

Armie walks out in only a towel wrapped around his waist, and I'm only in boxers. The water is cascading down from his hair onto his chest and continues falling downward. He looks fucking heavenly and I want to throw myself onto the bed and tell him to do whatever he wants with me. I notice that he's looking either at me or past me with a hunger in his eyes that makes me question the hell is going on. Is he looking at me like that?

"I f-forgot clothes", he says and walks over to his bags. I catch him looking at me twice while fumbling to find his clothes. I'm delighted to know that he's looking at me, and I really don't care why he is. He could be looking at me in disgust and I'd probably still be happy just because he's looking. I can feel my face getting hot and I pray that I'm not red.

"Do you know what you want to do today?", I squeak out to break the silence. He grabs his phone from the coffee table.

"Maybe. Alright but hear me out: when I was in the shower I searched up a few things and found a place about an hour away that has zip lining. It has nothing to do with New Orleans but I've never been and it seems awesome, look", he walks over to me still sans clothing, only in a towel, and clicks on a video. He's standing so close that I can feel his warmth running from him to me and I lean into it so that our shoulders are touching, his water droplets transferring to me.

The video is of these two guys and a girl and it looks like they're holding a GoPro. It's a short video but they're doing cool flips and tricks off of the platforms. The nature surrounding them is beautiful and barely bloomed. It makes me long to see it in person.

"Let's go there", I tell him.

"Alright if we get dressed now and leave in 10 we can make it there for 11:30. I'll call them to the reserve spots," he says while pulling his shoulder from mine to go change. I hate the loss of contact but turn to change as well.


	10. Chapter 10

Armie-

When we make it to the car I notice that the gas light is on so we stop after a few miles to fill up. I get Timmy another cup of coffee and I get a bottle of water. His eyes light up when I hand him the coffee

"Dude sometimes it's like you can read my mind, thanks", he says.

"Hmm maybe I can", I raise my eyebrows at him. Timmy hooks up the Bluetooth to his phone and punches in the address to the zip lining place. 

"Let's try not to get lost this time, shall we?", I mess with him. 

"Shut up", he emphasizes each word playfully.

We end up listening to so many kinds of music because Timmy has what I like to call "song turrets" and can't ever keep the same song on for more than 2 minutes. He gets tap happy, but luckily it doesn't really bother me because we have similar taste in music.

At some point he switches it up from his rap music and "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey makes its way through the speakers

"Don't you dare change this Timothee", I roll the windows down and stick my hand out of the window, letting the breeze hit my skin. Timmy starts pretending to play the piano part and sings the first verse. I pick up the second verse and realize how much fun this is, to dance in the car with him. He's got so much energy. By the time we get to the chorus we're practically screaming out the lyrics, "STRANGERS, WAITIN", he yells to me.

"UP AND DOWN THE BOULEVARD," I yell back while simultaneously laughing my ass off. This feels like living. This is what I want to do my whole life. With him. There are so many realizations passing through me all in this one song and it's a lot to take in. 

At this point Timmy is playing the guitar solo and I'm tapping my hands in the steering wheel trying to stay on the road. We both end up in a fit of laughter. It's the type of laugh where no sound is coming out because you're laughing so hard and he's pressing his face into my shoulder giggling like he won't ever stop.

Timmy-

The car ride really does end up taking an hour but we're having so much fun that it feels like no time at all before we get there. I had expected it to be a very closed in area with a lot of regulation and a lot of people but what we drove up to was completely different. 

We end up turning onto a gravel road and we follow some signs that say "Tiki Zip Lining". The place we pull up to consists of 1 building with a bathroom and a small hut that must be the registration desk. A woman is standing behind the desk with a red visor and a white "Zip-Line 4 Life" shirt on. She welcomes us with a warm smile.

"Welcome to Tiki!", she exclaims in an overly excited way. "Y'all just made it, what's the name for your reservation?", she asks with a hint of a southern accent. 

"Timothee", Armie answers simply. I wonder briefly what made him put the reservation under my name.

"Alright, yep, here you are!", she points to her clipboard. 

"You guys are gonna have to sign these for me and let me know what sizes y'all are in pants so I can get you some harnesses", she hands us both a paper with a too much information to read. We tell her our sizes and I ask, "What are these for?" gesturing to the papers.

"Oh ya know, just for if like you fall from a tree or somethin' it states on there that you can't sue us. Nothin' personal, we just can't be liable for you." 

I nod but wonder if this is dangerous. I arch my back and let my shoulders fall back, a nervous habit of mine. 

The woman hands us each a harness and then holds out a third one to Armie.

"This one's for the end", she says, winking at Armie and we both look at each other, confused. The last harness is way too big for him, it looks like it would fit two of Armie, I think and almost laugh. 

"So if you guys just follow that path down there and wait by the clearing, Brady will be pickin' y'all up in about 5 minutes", she hands us each a bottle of water, "y'all have fun now!!", she says. 

We walk down the trail and Armie looks at me, "what the hell was up with that wink and the 3rd harness?", he says.

I shrug and laugh, having no idea. 

We make it to the clearing and look around at the trees surrounding us, and I'm hoping that this "Brady" guy comes soon. 

Not too long after the thought passes through my head, I hear the sound of an engine heading our way. By what it sounds like, I'm picturing a four-wheeler pulling up. Instead my eyes are greeted with a contraption that looks like a golf cart, but also like a four-wheeler. Also, it is not a man driving whatever the vehicle is, but a woman.

"Hey guys, I'm Brady. I'm gonna be bringing you two to the rest of our group today. Y'all are just a little later than the rest but that's okay", this woman is a little less cheery than the one we met earlier, but still very friendly.

She reaches out to shake our hands. They're rough, and I can automatically tell that she's been living around here her whole life, raised in a completely different way than I was. This intrigues me. 

"I'm Armie", he says politely.

"Timmy", I add," nice to meet you."

"Well Armie, Timmy, it's great to meet you guys too. Why don't y'all hop on into the mule and we can talk on the way.

So, the contraption is called a "mule". Interesting, I think.

Armie and I probably look so out of our element. Neither of us have been zip-lining and I'm sure it shows.

"So...are you guys from the city?", she asks inquisitively.

"Yea we are, actually just came down for Mardi Gras", I explain.

"Oh! Sounds like a lot of fun then", she replies. 

I go to take a sip of my water and nearly spit it out when she asks, 

"So how long have the two of you been together?"

I try to keep my laughter in and she looks at me.

"What?", she says, laughing too," what's the face for, you guys must obviously be together if you came to the couples-zip-lining course", she says.

"The what?", Armie says, his mouth is open like there's no way he heard that right. 

"The couples zip-lining...our valentine's week special. Wait you guys knew that right?"

Armie and I look at each other, neither of us knowing what to say. He closes his eyes like he's contemplating a tough decision. Suddenly he opens his eyes, looking at me with a smile, and winks before turning to Brady.

"No yea, of course we knew that, I just thought I heard you wrong", he chuckles," to answer your question though, we've been together for a little over two years." 

I look at him and give him my best, what the fuck was that? face, and he leans over and whispers into my ear, "trust me." I look forward, shaking my head. 

What the hell is he thinking? 

Armie-

When Brady asked about us being a couple, at first I thought she could just tell that I liked Timmy, but then she went on to tell us about the couples-zip-lining and yea, that caught me off guard. 

There were two options here, I could tell her the truth, and say that I didn't realize that I had booked this for couples, but then they would make us leave. The other option was to say yes, and to hope that Timmy would play along. I chose the latter. 

"No yea, of course we knew that, I just thought I heard you wrong."

Fuck, how long have we been together?? Two years sounds good.

"To answer your question though, we've been together for a little over two years." 

Timmy is looking at me like I just told him the sky is purple and I lean over to him, trying to be a little flirty,

"trust me", I whisper, watching the confusion on his face melt away. 

Hmmm, maybe this will be fun, I think.

We eventually pull up to a small area of land with a few picnic tables and 4 people standing around with their harnesses and water bottles. All of these people are, of course, couples. A fifth person, a man, stands alone with a smile on his face. Brady hops out of the mule, shutting off the engine and running over to the man, placing a quick kiss to his lips. 

"Armie, Timmy, this is my husband Ben", Brady introduces us. 

We all stand together for a few minutes, everyone in an oval around a picnic table and begin to introduce ourselves. I notice that every couple is touching in some way, so I move behind Timmy and place my hands on his shoulders, trying not to scare him but to still look affectionate. 

It's not hard, it's actually so natural that to everyone around us we probably do look like a couple. I notice the contrast of our skin colors at this moment. His pale porcelain-complected skin compared to my dark, tan skin. We look like night and day but somehow still fit together.

"I'm Sarah", a bubbly blonde squeaks," and this is my husband Jack." The dark-haired man by her side waves to the group. 

"We're from Florida and we've been dating for 11 months now." She grins.

We all mumble 'Hi's' to them and it dawns on me how odd this is. A group of people all in the woods who have never met and are all couples. 

What the hell am I doing? 

"I'm Armie", I call out, "And this is Timmy, we've been together for over 2 years, and we're recently engaged", I smile like an overzealous teenager. Timmy looks up at me and I place a kiss right underneath his hair line, to the right side of his forehead. 

The small group lets out a chorus of 'Awww's' before another woman pipes up.

"I'm Kendra and this is Scott", she's a little awkward but seems sweet, "we've been married for 7 years now, and we have one baby girl named Mia."

The group sighs and smiles at them and I even let out a little exaggerated 'Aw' for them which causes Timmy to stomp on my foot, trying to get me to behave.

I whisper into his ear again,

"See? we're already fighting like an old married couple", I say, which earns me another stomp on the foot.

Oh yea, this is going to be fun.


	11. Chapter 11

Timmy- 

Once everyone in the circle has introduced themselves, Brady steps forward. 

"Okay ladies and gentlemen, if you'll kindly leave your cellphones here or anything else that might fall off of you while zipping, we will be back for them later."

We all empty our pockets and leave our phones on the tables, knowing that no one would be out here trying to steal them.

"Follow me, we're going to do a bit of walking to the first line. There are 8 altogether but each one has certain rules to maintain everyone's safety, everybody ready?", she says seriously, then smiles again,

"Okay people, let's move!"

Everyone begins to follow Brady and Ben, and I tug Armie back a little so that he and I are behind everyone else.

"Armie what the hell do you think you're doing?", I try to keep my voice down.

"Uhh, obviously walking to the first zip line Timmy", he says as if he has no idea what I'm talking about. Prick.

"Armie you know exactly what I'm talking about, we can't just act like we're together all day it's a ridiculous idea", I point out.

"Timmy, you're overthinking this. If we were able to act like we were in love for 2 months in Crema, what makes you think we can't do it again for one day?", he makes a good point. I weigh my options in my head. Hadn't I just promised myself this morning that I'd stop hiding my feelings? Maybe it would be nice to have him be mine, just for one day.

"I still think it's a bad idea", I offer a lie.

"Just think of it as a chance to practice your improv dude, c'mon it might even be fun", he coaxes. I try to look like I'm having a hard time making a decision but I really do want this.

"Fine", I huff.

"That's my boy", he says, tugging on my heart strings. He slips an arm around my waist as we walk and I try to pretend this is all acting and not like I'm actually loving it.

A few minutes later we arrive at a large tree and stairs that wrap around it. Because of the foliage surrounding us, I cannot quite make out where the zip line is.

"Alright guys so this is a good time for you to harness yourselves in and everything before we go up", Ben tells the group.

I try to watch what everyone else is doing but I keep getting the harness tangled up and can't even figure out which way it's supposed to go on. Armie walks up to me, his harness already in place.

"Let me help you with that, babe", he drags out the last word, and I don't think I'm going be able to handle this whole day if he talks to me like this. He takes the harness from my hands and drops to one knee, laying it on the ground. 

"Step in like this", he says, reaching out to hold my left hip but I instinctively move away from his touch. I try to step through but start to lose my balance. He responds immediately by grabbing my arms to steady me and places my hands on his shoulders, looking up at me with a smirk. 

I keep my hands there to try to get used to touching him again, like we did in Crema. He helps me in, and he pulls the harness up my legs for me, pulling me to him. He tightens the part around my waist first and my stomach flutters as his hands move across my skin. He goes to adjust the ones on my thighs but I stop him because I can feel the pressure in my stomach build and he doesn't need to get any closer.

"I can do that part", I try to dismiss him. Why is he so comfortable doing this with me?

"Oh, but I insist", he's fucking flirting with me again. He moves his hands back along my thighs and kneels before me to adjust them. My knees want to buckle from his touch and the fire shooting through my chest but I force myself to stay up. You're stronger than this, come on Timmy.

"You okay?", he smirks again.

"Yea, babe, me okay", I say, testing out the new word and quoting our movie at the same time. It's foreign to my mouth but I think I like the word.

"When you have your harnesses on you can begin to ascend the stairs, Ben is up there waiting for you guys", Brady tells everyone.

I hadn't even noticed he'd left, well, I guess I was a little distracted by Armie's head being so close to my crotch, I think, trying to stifle a giggle 

Armie-

We start to climb the stairs and T is struggling a little. He's not used to the exercise, he actually hates exercise.

I know for a fact that this boy is a good actor, but it almost seems like he actually likes pretending we're a couple. That maybe he likes me. Probably not, but I'll take anything right now. For today, he's mine. 

By the time we get to the top of the stairs, the first woman is already hooked up to the line.

"Kendra, since this is the first line, we won't be doing any tricks on here, just a simple straight across zip. Are you ready?", Ben asks.

She nods.

"Okay", he is satisfied," I'm going to zip first really quick so that I can be on the other side to catch you. Whenever you're ready, take a small leap off of the platform and hang onto your harness. Never hold onto the line."

She nods again and watches as he practically dives off. After about a minute she bravely jumps off, yelling out a yelp of excitement as she goes along. 

Her husband, and the next couple all go and all that's left on the platform is myself, Timmy, and Brady.

"You alright there bud? You're lookin' a little pale", Brady says to T.

I look at him and notice that she's right, he looks a little worried. I turn to him and unconsciously touch the inside of his forearm. 

"Are you scared of heights, T?", I try to be quiet. shit why didn't I think about this?

"Uhh. I never have been before, but right now yea, maybe a little."

"Do you want me to go first?", I ask him. I don't want him to be nervous. He nods.

I hook myself up to the top of the line and wink at him.

"Well, the quicker you make it across, the quicker you get back to meeeeee", I shout and leap off of the platform. It's unlike anything I've ever done before, and it's amazing to say the least. 

The way the the branches of trees are cut out just enough for my body to fit through them while the rest of me is surrounded by the leaves makes me feel like Tarzan. Free and in the wild. 

When I make it across the line Ben reaches out a hand to stop me from flying into a tree. He catches the top of my hook and helps me unhook from the line.

"Thanks man", I express my appreciation.

I start to worry about Timmy because what if he decides he won't cross and then-

I'm cut off by the vibration of the line signaling that someone is coming across it. Not a few moments later he comes into view, his hair wild and his eyes excited. 

"Can I catch him?", I ask Ben.

He looks at me for a second like he's assessing my physical strength. 

"Yea, I guess so", he backs up.

I take my place when're Ben was and prepare to stop him. It goes super smoothly because Timmy weighs so little and he comes to a halt next to me, his side running into my chest. 

"Have fun?", I ask honestly.

"SO MUCH FUN Armie", his eyes shine.

Timmy- 

As Armie fades from view at the second line, I turn to look at Brady and she sighs.

"He really loves you", she says, and I'm taken aback. I try not to look surprised because he and I are 'together' and everything.

"What makes you say that?", I try to sound casual.

"Well honey, you two have been together for two years and he still looks at you like you're the best thing he's ever seen. That man is head-over-heels; he's got that shine in his eyes when he looks at you. Ben looks at me like that too: we've got ourselves some keepers, that I know for sure", she replies matter-of-factly. 

I let her words run through my mind, trying to analyze what she's saying. She thinks he's in love with me? Well I guess she should, Armies such a great actor...but god I wish he wasn't all that great at it right now. 

"Yes", I go to hook myself up," a keeper for sure."

As we make our way down some stairs to the ground, Ben explains that the next line is fun for most people because it's where we'll learn to do some tricks. 

I'm getting a little more comfortable with letting Armie touch me every 5 seconds, and I even do it back when I feel a surge of confidence. On our walk to the next line, I grab his hand and he looks down at them intertwined, eyes full of happiness. I'd give everything to see him be this happy all of the time.

Although it's been a very warm day, we come to find ourselves in the shade under the underbrush of trees as we walk. The shade is comforting at first, but then I begin to get cold from the lack of sun. Armie notices the goose-bumps forming on my arms and breaks our comfortable silence,

"Maybe we should 'warm up' a bit", he teases.

I'm confused for a second until he starts making faking kissing sounds at me like a child. He's referring to when we would make out before shooting every day in Crema. I have to admit it did get a little hot and heavy, but it was all for the characters. At least that's what he thinks...

"I think you've had enough 'warming up' in the sun, mister", I taunt back to keep the mood light, even though I'd gladly warm up with him any day. I lightly push into his side with mine, and he catches me by the shoulders.

"Did you just push me?", he interjects, laughing while trying to look stern.

"Maybe, what are you gonna do about it?", I look up at him through my lashes, attempting to flirt. In one motion his picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. 

"Armie!!!", I yell, "put me down!"

I laugh as the couples in front of us turn to watch us look like a couple of goofballs and pray that this day never ends.


	12. Chapter 12

 

Armie-

By the time we make it to the 5th line, I'm ready to become a professional zip-liner.

"Forget acting", I tell Timothee, "Let's move here and zip-line for a living", I'm kidding with him, but I truly mean it. I feel so young right now. I haven't felt so care-free since I was his age. I've always been happy, but this is a whole new thing. This is blissful.

We get to the top of the stairs, and I can tell Timmy will be tired later by his posture. I pull his hand up to my mouth to kiss it and he eyes me carefully. The look he's giving me hits a nerve in my stomach and I find myself wishing it were only he and I in these woods. I let my mind drag me into a vision of Timmy pressed against a tree with his hands grasping my hair and have to look away from him, scared that he could possibly see what I was thinking. 

"I want to go before you on this one", he steps away from me.

"As you wish, honey", I say in front of the couples who are practically drooling over me and Timmy. 

He hooks up to the top and looks back at me before stepping off of the platform in the same way one might if they were jumping from a tall building. It puts a sharp pain in my chest until he's suddenly laughing and flipping upside down, waving back at me. Ben had taught him this trick on the last line, and Timmy loved it.

"Baby, look!", he calls back to me and I give him a thumbs up

"Woo!!", I yell to him as the group claps behind me. My boy.

On our walk to the next line, we have to cross a rope bridge and climb a tree using handles on the side of it that were previously drilled in. This second task is hard for Timmy, and I watch from below as he struggles to get his body up the tree. I can't help myself and grab his ass in an effort to encourage him to move faster and he yelps.

"Armie!!!", he blushes, looking back at me through his mop of hair. I follow the boy up, teasing him as I go. 

Timmy-

We're walking to the last line of the day, and it makes me hurt to know that this is almost over. I have my hand in his at the moment and we're walking in synch. Sarah, the blonde woman, pipes up from behind us and asks,

"So how did the two of you meet?"

I look at Armie to answer because he's the one that came up with this glorious idea to act like a couple, but he smiles.

"Timmy, you tell the story so much better than I do, why you take this one", he sweetly says. To them it looks like he's just asking me to tell the story, but I know that he's only saying this to get out of coming up with something and I'm two seconds away from giving him the finger.

"Yea, of course", I reply, trying not to give us away. "Well...we actually met in Italy. In a small city called Crema. I was... studying there for an Art class my college was offering. Armie was staying with his friend Luca at his home, and we ran into each other in what we would call the town square." I should stop there but I keep going, my words coming out more honestly now.

"From the first second I met him I could feel this energy between he and I, like I had found a part of myself that I didn't know I was missing, and it's always been him ever since", I finish, and Armies eyes are on me now. He's staring at me, deeply into me and I'm slightly nervous that he's caught on to my genuine story. 

He turns his gaze downward, to the ground and continues to silently walk next to me. He's still holding my hand but it's looser now, a lazy gesture instead of a romantic one. I don't quite like his shift of mood, but it's not like I can call him out on it in front of everyone. 

"That's lovely", her eyes start to well up," ah, young love", she says sentimentally and my heart surges at her emotion and use of words. Her husband puts his arm around her, and I wonder what Armie and I would be like as a couple at their age. Would we be like them? No, I decide, we'd be brighter. Louder. I squeeze his hand lightly, trying to get a better grip on it. 

Armie- 

I don't understand where the hell Timmy pulled that story from. He was doing so well at the beginning by telling them about Luca and Crema and switching up a few things to make it believable. Then, I think, he started talking about us. His words perfectly match what I've been feeling for him for years now. It's too big of a coincidence for this to not be mutual. I don't understand though, if he was possibly feeling the same way about me, why hasn't he said anything? Probably for the same reason you haven't told him, my subconscious kicks in. I'm extremely interested in finding out exactly what he's feeling but I can't do that in front of these people. 

We're at the top of the line before I realize it because I've zoned out thinking about Timmy. There is a wall full of pictures that I don't bother to look at and an old polaroid camera hanging next to the wall. The platform is also much wider than the rest were.

"So, guys and gals, sadly this is our last line. Just wait though, this one is cool. You guys still have that third harness we gave you, right?", Brady interjects.

Everyone nods, and I pull mine out from being tucked into my actual harness all day. I'd completely forgotten about it.

"Good, good. Well, for this last one we are going to harness you and your partner together so that you can finish this experience together, how does that sound?", she says excitedly. 

Timmy looks at me as though asking if this is okay, and although I barely heard what she said I nod at him to give him the go ahead. 

"Who wants to go first? How about our recently engaged lovers!", she says pointing to Timmy and me. 

I have no valid reason to say no to this so I let them harness T and I together. 

Timmy-

"Alright so this part is a little tricky, so you put your feet here, and you put yours here", she navigates us through the harness. Once we are both in it we are only about a foot apart. 

"Okay now Timmy, go ahead and wrap your legs around Armies waist. You're going to need to keep them there the whole ride so that neither of you hurt yourselves."

I don't know how to approach him because of how he's acting and I don't know if I'm welcome to just hop onto him. He looks at me and obviously sees my nerves because he rolls his eyes and pulls me by my T-shirt closer to him. I don't take my eyes off of him while I grab onto his shoulders and pull myself onto his hips. He and I never did this, not even in filming, or at least I don't recall it. 

"So guys, now is usually when we take a picture of the couple kissing before their last ride, and we post it up on the board", she gestures to the wall where the pictures are hung. I hadn't noticed but the pictures on it are all couples kissing. I can't see anyone's faces because of the camera quality but the headline of the board reads, "Happy Valentine's Day!", in pink. 

"You don't have to do it if you don't want, it's just a fun little tradition we do", she says the words quickly. I want to say yes. I want to say yes but I also want to say no.

Armie-

I make a mental note that I like him wrapped around my waist. I'm still distracted by his words from a few minutes ago but I try my best to be present. My mind is battling between concentrating on his story and his legs around me. 

Brady asks about kissing for the picture and I don't know what the hell to say. 

Timmy looks at me and I can see his Adams Apple bob in his throat as he swallows his nerves. Then he turns his gaze to Brady. I can tell he's made his decision but I haven't made mine.

"Actually Brady I don't think we want-", he goes to say, but I cut him off.

"Of course we do", I ruffle his hair. The others would probably think it was odd if we didn't participate.

"We do?" 

"Yea", I smile. This was the perfect experiment to know if he had any feelings for me.

"You ready?" I signal to Brady and she gives me a thumbs up, picking up the old polaroid camera. 

I think for a second before moving forward. Let him come to me? No. Let him do all of the work though, I decide. Give the bare minimum and see how he responds.

I lean into him very cautiously and go in for a short sweet kiss much like the first one we'd had at our only rehearsal with Luca. I refrain from even thinking about his mouth on mine because I know I would give into what my body wants; no, needs. I put no emotion into it, mostly to see what his reaction is. This proves to be harder than almost anything I've ever done because it has to look real for the others but can't be real because I'll fall apart. 

He kisses back very firmly, but with no passion; he caresses my jaw for just a second, and I think the whole thing was meant for our 'audience' standing 3 feet away. All acting for him. 

The flash of the camera sounds and without another word I unattach my lips from him, turn and step off of the platform with Timmy still around my waist. I'm more disappointed than I should be that he didn't react better. But what did I expect? For him to pounce on me? To melt in my hands? To tell me that he wanted me too? This isn't a fucking fairytale, my subconscious reminds me.

I can feel my lips set into a grim line and his voice comes out sort of quiet as we zip along,

"Are you alright?", he asks it like he's asking his parents for a later curfew. 

"Fine." I'm not trying to be rude to him, but I had thought for a second there that maybe he wanted me just as badly as I do him. The revelation that it must be in my head is a heavy one.

"Hey", he says reaching toward my face," you know you can always talk-"

I don't know what comes over me, but I flinch back from his touch and my words come out much harsher than I had anticipated,

"We don't have to do this anymore Timothee, they can't see us now."

"O-kay", he seems hurt. I don't want him to hurt, but my mood has dropped down a lot in the last two minutes and I've begun to dig myself into a hole of defeat. Why did I let myself hope? 

Timmy-

It's a bad idea, I think when he tells Brady that we'll kiss. It's bad idea because I'll probably turn to putty in his hands and then he'll know I want him and he'll hate me. It's also a bad idea because if he responds in the exact opposite way, like Brady thinks, then we have a whole other issue. There's no way to win. 

When his lips begin to move towards mine I do everything in my power to restrain myself. I put everything I have into staying platonic, and to not giving in. I think I did a pretty good job considering that when his lips took over mine I didn't give into the emotions that were attempting to overthrow my mind. 

He seems so unhappy immediately following the kiss though and this makes me nervous. Was it that bad for him? He was the one who wanted to do it... I don't get it. He wasn't even into the kiss the way that he was when we were playing Elio and Oliver; like he was holding back this time or was genuinely disgusted by the kiss.

He doesn't look at me as we zip along and I try to keep focus on the beautiful scenery around us, but his mood is ruining it.

"I'm sorry", he says with an emotion that I can't register in his voice. He doesn't say anything else.

"It's alright", I say because there's nothing else I can say. Everything was going so well all day that I forgot we'd eventually have to leave this bubble of pretend love and happiness. I can physically feel my heart sinking as we near the end of the line. 

"Timmy", he says suddenly," who the hell is going to stop us on this line?"

Holy shit, I think.

"Holy shit", I vocalize my thought," I don't know. What do we do??"

I start to fidget nervously because neither of us have control of what's gonna happen as we get closer to the end. I notice that there isn't a tree, so we won't run into that but I'm not sure how much force is going to be involved when we hit the end.

"Hold on", his certified Armie Hammer voice comes into play and he instinctively grabs the back of my head and shoves me into his chest trying to protect me somehow. We both brace ourselves for whatever impact is about to ensue, but at the last second the hook attached to the top of the line bounces back from a spring, and we're left hanging...slowly inching our way to the platform. 

We're both left in a haze of confusion, and when he realizes we're okay he lets my head go, but only far enough to grasp my face in his hands. He looks over my expression and rests his hands on my shoulders like a doctor inspecting a patient. 

"Jesus are you okay?", he's breathless.

"Are you?" I'm equally concerned for him. 

We both can't help but laugh then at the situation, then at the way the day has gone, and we don't stop laughing as we unhook ourselves from the top of the line. 

We continue to laugh even when Armie loses his balance and laugh even harder when we find ourselves on the ground, me still around his waist.

I put one hand on his chest and try to find a breath somewhere in what seems to be an oxygen-less area and finally inhale deeply. When I finally calm down he's still laughing with his head on the platform floor, looking up at the trees. It's insane how quickly our moods towards each other can change. From acting like we're in love, to him being upset, to us both laughing so hard we cry.


	13. Chapter 13

Timmy-

When we all finally climb down the platform from the last line we walk for a short while and find ourselves back at the picnic tables. Brady is laughing her ass off, doubled over like she's in pain. 

"Wait...you thought we'd let you crash?" the way she says it makes us sound ridiculous and Armie and I look at each other.

"Well no one told us that it would spring us backwards like that! Plus, someone caught us on every other line so I assumed we needed someone to catch us on this one too", he tries to defend our panic.

"Yea okay I see where you're coming from, but we would never just let you run into a tree or fly off of a line!!", she laughs again.

"Oh whatever", I tell her and roll my eyes playfully while wrapping an arm around Armie. I'm just honestly glad to see that he is in a better mood now. It made me worry when we were on the line and he wouldn't let me touch him. God, why do I crave his touch?

I grab my phone and I have one text from my mom, one from my sister, and a shit ton of Instagram notifications. I quickly text my mom back to tell her I'm safe and yes, I am having fun and Armie's taking good care of me. I take a quick look at Pauline's text but it's just her confirming our lunch plans for next week... When did I get so busy that I had to pencil in time with my sister? I feel my stomach rumble and forget about the text realizing how hungry I am.

Armie-

"Well guys, it was a pleasure to have you all with us today. Really, y'all were a great group. Sometimes we get stuck with people who don't want to get to know us and it becomes a long and awkward day", Brady lets us know as we all ride on the mule back to the cars. 

"Actually, we've enjoyed your company so much that Ben and I were just talking about how you guys should join us for dinner tonight. Nothing fancy, Ben makes great burgers and I made a pie earlier so we could all feast if you don't have other plans."

Kendra and Scott respectfully decline, saying that their daughter is waiting for them at home. Sarah and Jack are down for the idea but Armie's seems to be thinking about it hard.

"Oh, I don't know, Timmy and I wouldn't want to intrude or anything", he's being polite.

"We have beer and champagne", Ben says with a sly smile.

"Sold!", Armie laughs as we walk to the car.

Timmy-

We get in the car to follow Brady and Ben back to their house and as I go to put music on Armie's phone rings.

"Hey baby!", Armie speaks into the phone,

"Oh not too much Timmy and I just went zip lining..."

"...Oh yea it was incredible we should get the whole Hammer family to go when Ford is old enough", he continues, but he doesn't sound like he really means it, I wonder why? 

I think about leaving him later next week, and how it'll be him and his family again. Then it'll just be me back on my own missing him and occasionally being jealous of their relationship on various social medias. How exciting. 

"CAN WE BRING UNCLE TIMMY", I hear in a high pitched voice come out of his phone. Armie pulls the phone away from his ear and blinks hard like it will help him gain his hearing back. Harpers voice is always pretty loud when she's excited. He puts the phone back to his ear and smiles at me.

"Yea sweetheart, of course he can come with us, I did say the whole Hammer family right?", he winks at me.

I love his family but around them I feel like an intruder because of my feelings for Armie. It's sweet that he wants me to tag along with them but I always feel like a 3rd wheel, probably because I am one.

"Okay honey can you give the phone back to mommy? I love you so much", he relays to his daughter and I can hear his love for her in his voice. 

I catch little bits of what Elizabeth says but she talks at a normal level so I don't hear much.

"....kids...gala this weekend", is all I hear.

"Well, Liz, you knew I would be here 'til next week, can't you go with one of your girl friends?", he sounds frustrated and I want to smooth the crease on his perfect forehead.

I don't hear what she says next but Armie straightens in his seat.

"Well I'm sorry I won't be there but I can't just cancel this trip in the middle of it because of some event. You'll be great without me there", he tries to reassure her but there's an edge to his voice.

She yells something unintelligible and I hear my name and something about 'spending time with the family'. I've never heard these two get in an argument and I want to shrink into my seat and disappear. He begins to raise his voice:

"Like I said, I'll be home next week and we can spend all of the time in the world together and I'll let you throw me into a suit of your choice and I'll go to another one of your events that I'd rather not attend, but for now, I'll be here", he ends the sentence with a sense of finality on the subject.

She mutters a quick sentence that I can't make out.

"Mhmm...you too, bye", he says and throws the phone into the back seat behind him. 

He runs his right hand through his hair and I don't say anything because I don't know what to say. 

He clenches the steering wheel in his large hands, "And we were having such a nice day", he says sarcastically," Why'd she have to ruin it", it's a statement more than a question.

I find my voice now to try to cheer him up.

"Hey dude it's alright she didn't ruin anything we're still gonna have more fun", I say as we pull onto another gravel road with a mailbox.

"So, put that gorgeous smile you have back on and pretend you love me", I laugh and pat his chest.

The look I am given back is almost a pained one with a smile added in to cover it. A look that is happy but also sad. I hate seeing that pain that was most likely caused by Elizabeth.

Armie-

"So, put that gorgeous smile you have back on and pretend you love me." 

My heart fucking lurches and I force myself to smile. He has no idea how much I actually love him. I wish he wouldn't have heard Liz and I argue just now, but I guess since he heard it I should talk to him later about it. He might as well know we haven't been doing great. 

We pull up to a pretty nice house despite what I pictured. I had thought it would be an older model with a farm or something because of how far out it is but it's actually very new. They must've built it in the last couple of years judging by the model. It's three car garage and beautiful front garden give the house an elegant vibe without it being too 'try hard'.

Timmy climbs out first and I get out after him to walk up the stone walkway. I grab his hand and rub my thumb along his which takes him by surprise as we continue up the path. In comparison to the land around us the house is contrastingly beautiful. There is a pond that peeks out behind the right side of the house as well.

Brady is already opening the front door when we make it to her. The second it opens a large dog hops out of the front door, his big tongue hanging out of his mouth and his eyes wide with excitement. He runs at me at full speed and just when I go to brace myself he catches sight of Timmy and changes his course, jumping onto him.

Timmy is on the ground now, giggling while the dog has him trapped with his paws and is furiously licking Timmy's face.

"Rocky!", Brady yells but the dog ignores her.

Timmy looks at me trying to summon me for help as he continues to giggle

"Hey big boy!! Don't be getting too handsy, this guy is mine", I tell the dog while pointing to Timmy, and scratch Rocky behind the ears. He finally gets off of him and I help Timmy up. 

"I'm sorry about him he gets so excited to meet new people", Brady apologizes.

"It's alright, no problem, I love dogs", he says with slobber dripping down his face.

"Hmm, Armie you want a kiss?", he mocks and walks toward me with the saliva all over him.

I grab his wrist and lift my eyebrows knowing he won't go through with this.

"Yea baby sure", I try to pull him into me but he back tracks.

"I was KIDDING", his voice cracks. He thought I'd be repulsed but I'm not. I know he wouldn't kiss me again although I wish he would; judging by the last kiss and how passionless I had made it I don't blame him.

"I-I'm...full of dog spit", he explains to cover his quick declination of kissing me. I wonder if he was so fast with his answer because of the spit or the kiss itself but get no further response. 

"Well you two come on in and we'll get Timmy cleaned up and into a new shirt before dinner", Brady says in a motherly tone before walking through the front door.

Their house is like a damn Better Homes catalog. It's so far from what I expected and I begin to wonder how they can afford all of this. Does zip lining really bring in that kind of revenue? 

"Ben's already out back putting the hamburgers on", she's cut off by a knock on the door," that must be Sarah and Jack, Timmy hon if you want to go upstairs there should be some extra t-shirts on the bed in the last bedroom on the right", she calls out as she walks away. 

Timmy grabs my hand and drags me to the staircase.

"What you can't change by yourself? or are you taking me upstairs to fool around a bit?" I tease him even though I know he just thinks he'll get lost or something.

The boy fucking blushes.

"No-no, I just don't know where I'm going but if you want to stay down there by yourself with them then fine go back", he says and lets go of my hand. He continues to walk and I wonder if I upset him. 

"Hey", I call," you know I was kidding right?"

"Then hurry up Hammer we're burning daylight", is his teasing reply.

Timmy-

Last door on the right, Last door on the right, last door on the- ah, here we are.

I open the bronze-handled door to see a grey room with white carpet and burgundy accents. It's a pretty room like one you'd see in a contemporary styled home. These people keep getting more and more interesting. 

I walk over to the bed and sure enough there are a few t-shirts folded and stacked up. They're all the same, they read "Zip On Over to Tiki", with an address on the back. I look for my size but the smallest one they have is a large. I can't complain because anything is better than a saliva-soaked t-shirt and I begin to pull my shirt over my head.

"Woah woah woah there, someone's eager", I hear from the doorway and can't help but roll my eyes at him and his humor.

"Chill out with your teasing or you might get me riled up", I counter try to get him to back off before I get hard. Sometimes I hate when he jokes around like this because it makes me want him even more even though he's kidding.

"Who says I'm teasing?", he continues but there's an edge to his voice that wasn't there before and it makes my stomach twist in the best way. Speaking of stomach's he stares at my torso as I slip the new shirt over my head and I shiver at his gaze.

He laughs, "its huge on you, like something I would probably wear."

"Daylight? Burning? Ring a bell?", I exaggerate and pull him out of the room. On our journey back downstairs I start to wonder what it would be like to wear his clothes.


	14. Chapter 14

Armie- They don't have a TV. This doesn't occur to me until we're all in the living room and I've looked around for a while. Once I've committed every detail of the intricately designed walls to memory, it hits me that there isn't one.

"You guys not big on television?" I ask out of curiosity.

"We gave it up", Ben says walking in with a stack of burgers on a plate," it used to take up so much of our time and one day we decided we wanted to do more 'real' things so we threw it out. We don't need all of that anyway, tv's nothing but garbage", he explains.

"Fair", I reply. No wonder they don't know me or Timmy from film, I almost laugh at the luck. I love when people have no clue who I am because they treat me so much more normally than they would if they knew I acted. Ben bends down under what appears to be a sink but must be a built-in cooler and comes back up with beer and champagne,

"Which would you like?"

"Surprise me."

An hour later we're in the back yard with Sarah and Jack sitting on cushioned chairs with champagne and full stomachs. The burgers were delicious, seasoned perfectly. Ben and Brady walk out with a pie bigger than the circumference of a stop sign and I wonder how the hell I'm going to fit more in my stomach.

It turns out Timmy has quite the appetite for chocolate pie and he eats 4 pieces before considering slowing down. He's also had 2 glasses of champagne and I can tell that he's even more loose than usual. He keeps grabbing my hand and plays with my fingers as he tells his stories of growing up in New York animatedly. He talks of his summers in France, stories that I've heard 10's of times but will never get old to me. I could never get tired of hearing anything he says.

 

 

Timmy-

A few hours later, once the sun goes down, we move a few feet forward towards the beautiful pond and pavilion that lays a ways back behind their property and start a small fire. Sarah and Jack tell us about how they hope to get married one day and to have kids. They speak of their retirement plans, with their white sand beaches, tan skin and plenty of boats. I sit back and listen to them talk for hours it seems but I don't mind. I like listening to people as long as they'll have me.

Sarah and Jack have to leave shortly after their stories are finished. They both hug me and wish Armie and I the best before leaving. I think one day I'll miss their company and having met them.

A little while later we're sitting by the fire when Brady remarks,

"Now Armie, Timmy, I'm going explain something to you about married life ok?", she's slightly drunk.

"If there's anything I've learned, it's that there will be your WOW days, and your VOW days. Your wow days are those mornings when you wake up and have sex because you're so in love with each other that you can't bear to be apart. It's the days that you look at each other and want nothing more than to hold them forever.

Then, you have your vow days. These are the days when you have to hold your shit together. The days when maybe one of you can only give 20%, so the other has to give 80%.", she's slurring her words at this point.

"I have a feeling that for you guys there won't be too many of these since you're obviously infatuated", she speaks so slowly that it makes me want to pay attention so that I don't miss a thing.

"But trust me, there will be one or two days when you want to punch each other in the face. Don't give up okay? I know real love when I see it and you two have it written all over yourselves", she finishes. Ben smooths her hair with his fingers and kisses her gently on the cheek. He whispers something to her before standing up.

 

 

Armie-

"We're gonna get some sleep guys", Ben helps Brady up.

"You've obviously had a bit to drink so if you'd like to stay here for the night you're more than welcome to use the guest room", he offers.

"Yea, that'd be amazing thank you guys so much for everything", Armie says.

"Alright, we'll see you two in the mornin", he finishes before leading Brady towards the house.

Timmy and I get onto the subject of what Brady was talking about a few minutes ago and I say,

"You and I must make a pretty great couple if they're giving us marriage advice", I joke with him.

"Yea well I guess we'll need it for the Vow days", he laughs with me.

I picture Timmy walking to me down the aisle and I can't get it out of my head. It's becoming more and more clear by the second that I only want to be with him I just don't know how to say it. We talk promos, our favorite parts about filming, Luca, and end up in a fit of laughter about everything from accents to events. As our conversation and laughter begins to die down I lean a little closer to him, preferring his warmth over the fires.

"Do you want to talk about Liz?", his question comes out of nowhere, his voice low.

I want to decline and to keep drinking the champagne and to pretend like everything is amazing for just a few more minutes. Realizing that this was an opening though, I nod.

"Let's take a walk by the pond", I tell him and stand up, helping him up by the hand.

 

 

Timmy-

"She and I...I can't figure out how to explain this...", his eyes narrow and I can see his mind moving a hundred miles per second trying to find the right words. Eventually he gives up.

"I don't know, we just aren't as happy anymore" he lets his head fall a little while we walk, looking at the ground.

"It's been getting worse and worse and it's just like...we can't really communicate and when we do we're never on the same chapter, barely in the same book", he takes another sip from his glass.

"Some days it's like all she sees me as is a prop, or something to look at. She's always sending me off to get pampered as if I'm not good enough the way that I am and it's just...We don't even have fun anymore it all feels like work. The funny thing is, I could feel this coming for a while now I just don't know what to do about it...", he stops and I think his eyes begin to glaze over but I can't tell because it could just be the light of the moon.

We've made it to the pavilion, lit up by one chandelier hanging from the middle. It looks like a scene from a movie from the twinkling lights to the moon reflecting off of the pond. We pause on our walk to look at the night and he sets his glass down on counter top of the pavilion entryway.

"Shit, I'm sorry for boring you with my dumb ass issues I'm killing the night."

"No! It's okay, it's cool I don't mind, you know I tell you a lot of the stuff that goes on in my life and you've always been there for me so it's only fitting that I help you. Uhm...", I remember that I have no clue how to help this situation.

"When did you first start feeling like things were different?" is the first question that comes to mind. I move to sit down on the front step of the pavilion and he follows close behind. We end up sitting shoulder to shoulder, but not looking at each other.

"Sometime in the first few weeks of Crema", his answer sounds guilty.

Crema. Funny, I think, that's about the same time I started having feelings for him.

"Crema?", my voice comes out higher than I wanted. I'm asking him more in that one word than I could ever put into a sentence.

"Yes", is his answer, and he still has that twinge in his voice that makes me feel like he means me. Like I'm what changed things in Crema...I feel his shoulders stiffen next to me and know that he's given away information that he's not sure he wanted to.

"Have you considered maybe trying some counseling or something to make things better?", I offer not knowing if this is really happening. If we were really about to have this conversation. If he was actually feeling the same way.

"What if I don't want to make it better?", the way he says it makes me feel weak. The air has shifted now and there's something between us that's so alive that I worry if I touched him it would shock me.

"Well what _do_ you want?", I so desperately wish that the air would stop thickening and that my heart would stop pounding. I'm trying my best to communicate without confessing everything. He turns to look at me and I hope he doesn't see the desperation of what I want him to say.

He must catch my emotions, at least a little, because he tilts his head to the side in confusion. He swallows hard. I think he's onto me.

"What- What do _you_ want, T?" he looks hopeful.

A multitude of things flash through my head at this moment from the last few days:

_"Anything for you"_

_"That's what you do for the people that you love, Timmy"_

_"He really loves you"_

_"That's my boy"_

I want to stop, brush off the question and pretend like I don't feel whatever is going on right now, but the way his expression is pleading with me makes me hold my ground.

"I think you _know_ what I want", is all I can muster up.

 

 

Armie-

I stop breathing for a few seconds, unable to comprehend what he just said even though I know what I heard.

_I think you know what I want._

_I think you know what I want._

_I think you know what I want._

I clear my throat and at the same time my head clears a little. What he had said to the couples on our walk about how it had been me ever since we'd met, he meant it.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?", I accidentally quote our movie and it starts to feel like an actual Elio & Oliver moment.

He nods.

"H-How do you feel about that?", he says, confident in his own feelings.

I don't answer him but instead my heart takes over; my hand reaches up to support his jaw and I search his eyes with mine looking to make sure that we're feeling the same thing. All barriers are gone here and it's only he and me and the sound of the crickets chirping.

I wonder for the thousandth time if I can let myself cross this line and for the first time I think the answer is yes. I finally sigh, look down at his beautifully plum lips and give in. I mold his mouth with my own, gently at first, seeking shelter and praying he'll let me in during the storm raging within me.


	15. Chapter 15

Timmy-

I pull back at first, completely caught off-guard by his kiss but my mouth is tingling with anticipation of the next. My pulse is racing and my mind whirling. He really did just fucking kiss me. He looks at me again, assessing if I'm okay with his actions before grabbing my face in a slightly aggressive attempt to get closer to me.

My lips part for him immediately, and I sigh at the weight lifting off of my shoulders. His breath mixed with mine is a sinful concoction of longing and love. 

This is nothing like playing our characters. In filming, we had someone over our shoulder to guide us in uncharted territory. Luca had been a buffer and without him we were on our own in deep waters trying to trust that we could keep each other afloat. This is real, unrestrained, all cards on the table.

My insides are turning at his movements as his hand travels down from my jaw to my clavicle, skimming down my arm it finally rests on my hip, leaving a trail of fire everywhere he touches. 

My body responds to him in a way that it never has with anyone and I feel emotional at the thought that we're finally here. That it took two years for our dumb asses to say it but that after all this time it happened. Unconscious sobs make their way from my throat during each kiss, and I reach up to pull his face closer, as if he could slip away at any second. 

A single unintentional tear runs down my face and I feel him lap it off of my cheek before he kisses me again, leaving me with the salty taste.

I turn more so that I have full access to him and deepen the kiss, wanting more of him. He responds by motioning for me to straddle him and I do this without hesitation. We both seem to be trying to get as humanly close as possible to each other without breaking.

My heart is on emotional overload and I let him take the reigns. 

His hands search for skin, as much skin as he can grasp and his lips are crushing against mine in an almost painful manner. His rough beard scratches at my chin but I'll gladly endure the pain to be this close to him. 

"Fuck, T, you don't know how much I need you", his words send shivers through me.

I move down to kiss his neck, trying to leave my mark on his right shoulder, to show him how much I need him, and he winces. Then he smiles, enjoying the pain. We are all long legs and gangly limbs in this beautiful moment that was well overdue. 

He slowly begins to rock against me, smashing our members together and I feel myself harden. My back arches at each of his movements, wanting him in more ways than one. He bites my bottom lip, arousing me even more. 

I realize at once that this man could do anything to me and I'd be okay with it. I am his now.

When he lays back I take this as my cue to remove my shirt before diving back onto his body. I pull his shirt up just a little and duck under it, leaving a small line of kisses from his torso to his chest and finishing with one to his lips. 

I feel him lower his hands down my body causing more fire to surge through my being as I allow him to be in control; one hand is suddenly cupping my erection and he's slowly moving up and down, palming me at a tortuous pace. I groan against his mouth, causing him to moan in response. I love that sound.

"Listen, I've been waiting for this for years so if you do that for much longer I'm going to come any second now", it's embarrassing to admit but it has to be said. I start to feel a little self-conscious about being so damn close to him, plus I've never had a guy get me off. Actually I haven't had many people at all get me off. 

"Chill out, I think I already did ", he hisses, and I feel a wetness on him that I didn't notice before. It's comforting to know that I could possibly have that type of effect on him and that I'm not alone in this.

Instead of answering, I kiss him again, tongues colliding and pull his hair in my hands. I love hearing the noise he makes so I continue to do this.

"You like it when I pull your hair, don't you?", I try to say as seductively as possible.

"Jesus Timmy please stop talking or I'll fucking come again and we haven't even done anything yet."

He rakes his hands through my hair and I lean into his neck, kissing the skin there. He takes me by surprise when he suddenly sits up and grabs me by my thighs before standing up. I am completely out of breath but wrap my arms around his neck, holding onto him.

He has me around his waist still and he begins walking back to the house. He looks like a God with his forehead glistening and hair wild.

"What are you doing?", I giggle.

"Walking back to the house obviously", he teases," Also have I mentioned I love having you in this position?"

Armie-

We don't have sex that night; we lay in the bed with our legs intertwined and our arms wrapped around each other and talk. We both agree we need to do some talking before we do anything else; not to say that I wouldn't love to throw him onto the bed and make him feel so good that he's screaming my name.

Instead we laugh like teenagers and shamefully admit our 2 years of longing for one another.

"I can remember that night we were watching a movie and you made me dinner and you kissed me..", he says, lacing our fingers together. 

"I knew there was so much I felt for you even then, but I didn't know how to comprehend it. I've never been attracted to a man before and you seriously took me by surprise with your voice and your mind and your daunting presence ", he smiles. I can't help but be in awe of his confession. He was just as confused as I was and it makes me feel even closer to him. 

"Do you remember that one time when reporters asked me if I thought you and Jennifer Lawrence would make a cute couple? I wanted to throw up at the thought but instead I had to fake like I didn't mind. It was awful", I laugh and he smiles sadly.

"God Armie, we've been torturing each other without even knowing it."

He tells me about the times when we'd be doing press and he'd want to lean into me but felt like he couldn't.

"There were so many times that I wanted to tell you, but I thought you'd laugh at me or something", he blushes in embarrassment.

My heart throbs at the thought of my boy feeling like I wouldn't love him.

"I felt like that too!!", I try to reassure him.

"You should've said something."

"Well I would have, but I thought you'd say I was an old man and that you weren't into me"

"An old man? Have you met me? I may be younger in years but I'm older than you in soul", he remarks.

"And how could I not be into you? Have you met you? I love you Armie", he says and my stomach flips. 

There's that phrase. 

"You love me?", I need him to say it again.

"Yea", he whispers, "Yea I love you, you huge bean-stalk of a man", he says and pokes me in my side. I laugh a little and poke him back, which causes him to panic and laugh because he's ticklish.

"Don't", he says with the most serious face on.

"Oh, come on I have to", I say and begin to tickle him again. His laugh is like absolute music to my ears.

"AR-MIE!!!", he laughs,"ArmieArmieArmie", he suddenly flips from under me and tackles me back onto the bed. It takes me back to that moment in Crema when we kissed a year ago and I think about how even then, I was in way too deep. 

Instead of tickling me back my boy places a kiss to my lips and sucks in a breath as if he'd forgotten to breathe.

He unhooks his lips to look into my eyes and I swear the whole universe is in his. Timmy traces the veins in my arms and smiles at me.

"I love you too", I say without thinking about it. I don't have to. It's all truth.


	16. Chapter 16

Timmy-

I wake up to sunlight and the scent of pancakes making its way through the room. The heat of the man attached to me is overbearing and comforting at the same time. His blond hair is tickling the side of my neck and his body traps my waist to the bed, but his slow breathing lets me know he's still knocked out.

I smile, remembering the night before, and a surge of happiness floods me. I kiss his hair line but try not to wake him; at the same time the silence is broken by his phone vibrating on the bedside table.

I ponder whether or not to wake him to answer it but decide against it; he looks too peaceful. However, the phone is close enough for me to reach and I grab it, reading "Liz <3" flash across the screen. My stomach churns with guilt. I almost answer it before I remember how badly this conversation could go. The scenario plays out in my head:

_"Good morning husband!"_

_"Hey Liz, no sorry it's Timmy."_

_"Timmy? Hi honey I miss you! It's so nice to hear that voice. Where's Armie?"_

_"Oh, you know...just asleep on top of me... also we made out last night and he told me he loved me..."_

Yea. that wouldn't go over too well. I let the call go to voicemail and the screen changes, showing '3 missed calls'. So she's called more than once? What if it's important? I start to move hoping Armie will take the hint and wake up.

His hands suddenly move from under me and one lands at my chest, moving to massage my right shoulder.

"Good morning", he lifts his head up lazily, letting out a deep breath through his nose and opening his eyes to mine. With the way his head lines up with my chest, it doesn't take much movement for him to place a kiss to the top of my rib cage. I feel my shoulders pull back at the touch. He rests his head on my chest and looks nowhere in particular as a smile crosses his face.

"I dreamt about you last night", he says, looking up at me with those pool-blue eyes. "I haven't had a dream in months, but last light I fucking dreamt about you and I, and God, waking up to find the dream continue is like a dream come true. Literally!!! Ugh, Timmy", he says slowly and rubs his eyes.

I run my hands in his hair and kiss his forehead. He's so attractive I don't understand why he would want me, when he looks like that. I don't want to ruin the moment but I have to tell him,

"Liz called 3 times", I don't say it with jealousy, nor with anger, but I see his smile falter and he clears his throat.

"S'okay, I'll call her later she's probably just calling to talk about an event."

I want to ask him why he wont just call her but I don't push it. I suddenly feel the crushing urge to pee and wiggle out from him. I have to find a bathroom.

"Baby", he calls, his face in the bedsheets. My heart flutters at the word.

"Where ya goin'?" he asks.

"Bathroom, I won't be long", I hurry out, but the pancakes are calling my name.

I find the bathroom a couple of doors down the hall on the left. After peeing and admiring their taste in bathroom decor I go back to the bedroom but Armie is nowhere to be see. I hear his deep laugh from somewhere far away and know immediately that he's founds the pancakes.

 

Armie-

I hear him coming down the stairs as I sit down at the bar with a 2 steaming cups of coffee. He walks through the living room into the open kitchen and spots me sitting, his eyes brightening at the sight of the mug.

"Yes!! Ugh, I was hoping you guys were coffee drinkers", Timmy tells Brady who is at the stove flipping pancakes. Ben is cooking next to her, and the sound of sizzling bacon makes my stomach rumble.

"Oh absolutely honey, I can barely walk out of this house without at least two cups in my system."

"You sound like me", he laughs. He walks to the edge of the bar and I pull him to me by the waist before he can grab his mug.

"Good morning, again", I say, looking at his lips. I kiss him quickly but with a full effect and he's definitely affected as far as I can tell. He pulls back with a smile and blinks twice before licking his lips in concentration.

"Mmm", he says," vanilla creamer, my favorite", his wiggles his eyebrow and picks up his own mug excitedly.

"You two seem to be even happier this morning than you were yesterday", Ben comments while bringing his mug to his lips. There's a smirk somewhere in his expression.

"We slept well is all", I say, "Thank you so much again for letting us stay here last night we both really appreciate it."

It sounds like a formality but I really do mean it. These people gave us a random opportunity for me and Timmy to reconnect, and to finally get our feelings out there.

They would never know that, but I feel sort of indebted to the somehow.

"No problem at all, we love having company", she grabs the plate of bacon next to her along with a stack of pancakes and brings them to the dining table.

We both follow her there and Timmy and I sit on the side of the table closest to the window with Ben and Brady opposite us. Timmy only takes 2 pancakes, probably because he doesn't want to look like a hog, and I take 3.

I drench them in syrup and an image of Timmy with syrup dripping down his chest with myself licking it off of him pops into my head and I have to put my fork down to wipe the idea away. Why am I like this???

He grabs my leg under the table and simply rests it there, leaving me with a settled feeling, as Ben begins the conversation.

"What are you guys doing today?"

I look at Timmy. He shrugs.

"I really don't know yet, we haven't exactly thought that out", I am such a bad planner.

"You two should check out the World War II museum, if y'all are into that type of thing", Brady offers," It's a major tourist attraction and it's actually super cool."

I'm immediately interested. I've always had a thirst for history and this sounds right up my alley, although I have a feeling that's not the case for Timmy.

"That actually sounds really nice", he says swallowing his food," babe, do you wanna do that?"

"Uhm, yea, sounds awesome", I'm pleasantly surprised that he likes this idea.

After breakfast Timmy and I stand to leave, not wanting to overstay our welcome. Brady rushes away and comes back with Timmy's shirt neatly folded and clean.

"I washed that for you, hope you don't mind", she says sweetly and Timmy hugs her.

"Thank you both so much again!", he says.

As we walk out the door a thought crosses my mind and I turn back to shake Ben's hand.

"If you guys are free one day this week maybe we could get together and hit up a few parades"

"That'd be fun", Ben replies, "I'll let you know which day we're off, you have my number right?"

"Timmy has it, yea I think Brady gave it to him last night."

"Okay then, y'all drive safe."

"Thanks man, bye."

On our drive home my phone rings again, and it's none other than my wife. I want to answer but for some reason my chest tightens and I know if we talk right now i'll probably explode so I chuck the phone into the cup holder and put my sunglasses on.

"Windows up or down?", my boy asks me as he hooks up his bluetooth.

"Down", I smile, "Can you play some Night Lovell?"

"Anything for you", T says.

I can't help myself as I reach over and put my hand on his thigh and he places his on top, his freezing hands chilling mine.

"You're always so cold", I laugh.

"Good thing you're my human-heater", he laughs with me.

"You want to head to the hotel to shower and then go to the museum?", I ask.

"Sounds like a plan." A few miles away from the hotel I pull my hand from him because if anyone were to recognize us it would a shit show. I hate having to hide this but I guess if I could do it for 2 years I can do it now too.

As we walk in we are greeted by a man whose name tag reads Tyler and smells of too much cologne.

"Mr. Hammer, Mr. Chalamet,: we have a second room available for you now seeing as one of our guests never arrived. Would you like the room?", he asks kindly.

"No, I think we're okay, we've already kind of settled in. Thank you though", I say to the man. I hope he doesn't think it's odd that I want to keep sharing a room with Timmy.

"On second thought", I say just to wave any chance of weirdness for this guy, "I'll take the room, this guy deserves some space am I right?", I try to make a joke and pat Timmy's shoulder but it comes out a little awkwardly because I don't mean it. The man politely laughs. He hands me a key card to the second room and I ignore Timmy's confused gaze and we walk to the elevators.

Once safely inside he lets out his frustration. "Why the hell do we need a second room? You don't want to stay with me?", he says in a mad but also hurt tone and I pull him into me.

"You know that's not the case. I just didn't want to give that guy any ideas. I can see the headline now: 'ARMIE AND TIMMY VOLUNTARILY SHARE A BED.'"

"You're right", he says, my chin on top of his head. "I'm sorry", he gets on his tiptoes to kiss me but is cut short by the ding of the elevator.

When I step out I take his hand but I quickly drop it along with my jaw when I see down the hall, at my hotel room door, a slim blonde figure that I know all too well dressed in designer clothing, handbag on her forearm.

_Elizabeth._


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just wanted to take a second to say thank you to everyone who has been reading this little story, and a huge thanks for your kudos and comments, it keeps me going!! Might not be able to update for a few days because of upcoming finals, but I'll be back soon. xo

Timmy-

"What are you doing here, honey?", his whole demeanor changes and suddenly I'm looking at a different Armie. The one who's in love with Elizabeth. The one pre- 'us'. Are we an 'us'? Is he acting for her sake? or is this how he's really feeling? I can't be sure.

She smiles, warm but not completely real. I can tell she's a little upset but she doesn't want us to know it.

"Well, husband, maybe you'd know if you picked up your phone", she says with a hint of aggression in her voice before placing a sweet kiss to his lips.

"Are you staying?", he asks, he sounds hopeful and it hurts my stomach, makes me feel like the last 24 hours had all been a dream.

"Just for the night, I'll be leaving tomorrow", she says breezily. "Timmy, dear, I've missed you", she pulls me into a tight embrace, eye level with me from her sky-high heels. I return the hug but am overwhelmed with jealousy and guilt. I hadn't expected to face her so soon. I prepare to put on my mask of happiness.

"I've missed you too", is all I can manage.

"Well, are you two going to show me to one of your rooms so we can discuss my being here or are you just going to gawk at me?", she says in such a smooth tone it makes me wonder if she's rehearsed this. Elizabeth has always been the type to plan ahead and gauge others reactions to manipulate; she's a master at this craft.

I know she's mad that Armie wasn't answering his phone. I'd hate to say it but part of me thinks she's upset with me too. I did hear my name when Armie was talking to her on the phone yesterday, but I didn't think much of it. Could she be onto us?

So many things are going on in my head but Armie comes up with a quick response.

"Actually honey, Timmy and I were just about to head back down for brunch. I just needed to come up to grab my wallet. We did a bit of sight-seeing before you arrived."

We just ate, where is he going with this?

"So, Timmy, why don't you show Elizabeth to the restaurant and i'll meet you both down there", he says. As we turn to leave he catches my eye gives me a distressed look before unlocking the door to our room. I make my way with Elizabeth back down the hall and she talks about a bakery she's dying to check out while she's here.

 

 

Armie-

I close the door to our room and rest my head against the back of it, exhaling deeply.

_What the fuck?_

_Maybe you should've answered the damn phone Armie_ , I think to myself.

I could see in Timmy's eyes that he's confused and somewhat hurt, and I hate this constant ache in my chest from watching him suffer. I know it seemed like I was blocking him out and that it's all about Elizabeth, but I hope he can understand that she is my wife and she can't know what's going on.

I needed to get her out so that I could get Timmy's things into the second room and out of ours. _Ours_. I guess it wouldn't be ours tonight.

She can't know that we slept in the same room, let alone in the same bed. I know she loves Timmy but I also know she thinks we spend too much time together and I worry she thinks something is going on between us. If she walked in to find his stuff everywhere it would only deepen her theory.

I mean...something is obviously going on between us, but I'm not ready to have that discussion with her. She's one of my best friends, and although we've known each other for over 10 years I don't think I can say to her what needs to said; I have to hold onto the hope that she's oblivious.

 I start furiously grabbing my own clothes, not wanting to kick Timmy out of the room. He can have our room and I'll take the new one.

I double check that I have everything before walking out of the room, wondering how I got myself into such a mess all in 24 hours. The guilt starts to eat me.

Once I've dropped my stuff off and made it look like I've been staying in the room, I head out. When I make it to the lobby I see my man's curly head of luscious black hair poking above a booth in the restaurant. On the other side of the booth is the mother of my children. Who to sit with? The answer is of course, Elizabeth.

"What are we talking about?" I plop into my seat.

Timmy's eyes search me and I want so badly to reach out to him, to see his worry go away. Instead I turn to Liz and try to concentrate on her.

"Timmy and I were talking about your trip so far. He said he really loves the quarter", she smiles.

The waiter brings over 3 bloody mary's and I am grateful for the distraction of the drink. We place our orders, both Timmy and I ordering small plates (and exchanging a knowing glance of why) and Elizabeth orders a sampler of literally everything on the brunch menu.

"Alright", she swallows the remnants of her beverage, "So I have a little news as to why I'm here... I'm meeting with a contractor to see about a third BIRD location!!", she squeals in excitement.

"That's amazing honey!!", I kiss her quickly, trying to sound genuinely happy for her. I automatically envision her being gone from home even more, flying from San Antonio to Dallas to New Orleans all of the time, and leaving me with the kids.

"I know we've been talking about opening another for a while, and this place seemed perfect from how you described it. Plus, it's such a tourist-attracting place that I'm sure it would bring in revenue and a lot of buzz", she finishes proudly.

"Wow Elizabeth that's actually awesome", he says wholeheartedly but he looks as if he may cry any second. I try to cover for him.

"We have to celebrate", I pull her into a hug, "We can do anything you want today after your meeting, T and I's treat", I keep her looking at me.

"I'll be back", Timmy mumbles before getting up and walking away.

She doesn't seem to notice because she's so wrapped up in excitement.

"Well nothing's official yet husband but I'll definitely take you up on that offer", she runs her hand along the back of my hair. I notice that it's a sweet gesture, but there's no fire there the way that Timmy burns into me. There's never been a fire with her.

Our food comes and Timmy is nowhere in sight. "I'll be right back", I stand up, adjusting my shirt. She looks at me oddly. " Bathroom", I explain. She nods and picks up her phone.

"I need to make a few calls anyway, take your time."

I walk to the restaurant podium and ask for the restroom, to which I am pointed to down a very narrow, dimly lit hallway. He has to be there. I open up the door to find a hunched over Timmy, hair in his eyes, shoulders tense. I don't know if I should be nervous or comforting him or both. He must hear the door creak open because his eyes flit to the doorway in the mirror and catches my gaze there. His eyes are red rimmed and his face flushed, no emotion on it but numbness. _Nervous_ , I decide.

 

 

Timmy-

Why? Why does he have to make me feel so good and so loved, and less than 12 hours later make me feel so useless? Or maybe used would be a better word. I tell myself over and over that this is his wife we are talking about, and that my claim over him means absolutely nothing when it comes to her. They're _married_. I'm a _kid_.

She says she's opening another bakery. This beautiful woman, who he's know for over a decade now, is smart, charismatic, experienced, runs 2 business and still maintains 2 children on top of her busy work schedule. And what do I do? I have nothing but a high-school degree and a few films to show for my time on this earth.

I have to leave the table before I cry. I wish I didn't want to cry but I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I know if I don't leave soon she'll notice my discomfort, or even worse he will.

So I mumble something along the lines of 'be right back' and leave. _Where do I go?_  I walk around the restaurant before wandering down a small hallway and catch myself thinking that Armie would be squished here. Oh, Armie. The reason for my pain. The reason for my love. Why must the two always go hand in hand?

I feel the blood pounding in my head as I push open the bathroom door and go to rest my hands on the countertop, thinking. I don't know how long I'm there but I almost pull myself together when he walks in the door. The man of the hour.

He looks nervous, maybe even a little scared, but I don't blame him based on how I must look.

"Hey", his voice is quiet.

"Hey", I echo him, is that all he has to say?

"I uh, tried to cover for you back there. Is everything okay?", he's acting strange, not like my Armie and it hurts more than I can describe.

"I don't know", I answer honestly. I don't know what to say. I want to hold him but I want to walk away from him. I want to kiss him but I want to smack him. I stay still.

"Timmy, I hope you know that at least half of what's happening out there right now is an act. You know that right?", he takes a few steps closer to me and I can see him transforming back into himself. The man I know.

I believe him but my head is throbbing and I want nothing more than to lay down and fall into a deep sleep right now so that I don't have to have this conversation.

"I think we have to stop this", I say, but instantly regret it. I don't want to say it but it would be easier for him to stay with her. To pretend like the last day didn't happen and to go back out to the table like two brothers and to act like I never loved him.

He sucks in a sharp breath.

"What do you mean Timmy? You have to understand that is the last thing I want. I want you", he pleads with me, trying to convince me.

It's not that I don't know he loves me, but seeing her here today with him gave me a new perspective on everything. How complicated it would all be. I think it would be easier if he didn't love me than to know he does and then see him with her. It hurts more now than it ever did. I feel my breath getting heavier, and my heart pounding harder. As much as I want to give in to him I give one final attempt at getting him to back off even though it hurts me to say.

"It can't work Armie! We can't work. I'm not good for you", I'm almost shouting at this point.

I feel my breath catch in my throat, and I suddenly can't breathe.

"What do you _mean_ , not _good_ for me?", he sounds completely bewildered, like maybe he's on the verge of tears too.

"Timmy", he goes to say but sees that I'm still not breathing right and it's only getting worse.

" _Timmy_ ", he says more urgently," are you okay?"

 

 

Armie-

 _He's having a panic attack_. I know this because of his breathing, his inability to speak, his flushed cheeks.

"Hey hey hey hey, Timmy, look at me", I put my hands on his shoulders.

"Look at me", I try to emphasize.

He finally meets my eyes and I try to help him.

"Name five things you can see", I say. He doesn't respond. Instead he keeps sucking in nothing, unable to take in air.

" _Tell me_ five things you can see", I try to stay calm but it's breaking my heart to watch him.

He gulps for air and tries to get the words out; I feel tears threatening to spring from my eyes.

"Th-the walls, the stalls, the mirror, the door, myself", he finally gets out.

_Deep breath._

"Four things you can touch", He grabs onto the napkin dispenser, then the wall, the handle to the door, and lands gripping the counter top for support. He whispers the name of each item as he touches it.

 He's started to catch his breath, though it's still coming out in small spurts. I can't believe I let him get so worked up as to freak out about this. How could I have put him through this?

I can feel the tears falling out of my eyes, and can see them falling from his as well, wetting his shirt.

"You're doing great baby, three things you can hear."

"My-breathing, chairs squeaking in the dining room...the sound of my heart beat"

He's starting to sound more human like and I feel my chest loosen a little. His shoulders fall back, a nervous habit of his that I know all too well.

_Deep breath._

"Two things you can smell", I run a hand through his tear-soaked hair.

"Lavender soap, breakfast food", he leans into my hand as I move it to his cheek. His breathing is slower, his voice settling. The green of his eyes pop out now more than ever due to his blood-shot sclera.

"One thing you can taste", my voice unsteady. He hesitates. I can see the battle in his mind going on like watching a movie between two warriors.

"You", he breathes before he smashes his lips to mine, the salt of my tears mingling with his.


	18. Chapter 18

Armie-  
I know we need to get back to the table. I know we've probably been gone long enough for Elizabeth to get antsy, but this beautiful, wrecked human being needs me right now. His lips quiver when they connect with mine, and I know he's giving into what he wants. What he needs.  
The pain dissolves from my chest at the contact, and my hands find his waist, knowing the exact parts of him to hold onto. Most of his weight at this point is put onto me, and I gladly accept the responsibility of keeping him up.  
As I go to pull him closer by his waist he gasps, breaking the kiss, and pushes me away. I feel my heart clench in my chest as though I've been hit there.

Timmy-  
I thrash a little too harshly away from his touch but it's the only way for me to stop. Armie looks like a puppy who has just been yelled at for peeing on the carpet, and my heart aches for him.  
I wish I wouldn't have done that, kiss him I mean, but with my hormones on overdrive and my brain fogged up all I could see was his lips.  
"Tim", he says my name. I can feel tears start to well up again but I have to hold my ground. I want him but I can't have him. At least not while she's here.   
The guilt would perpetually disintegrate me and I'd probably end up spilling everything on accident. So here is where it has to stop.  
He's waiting for my reply, mouth drawn into a thin, sad line, his eyes full of worry.  
"I'm sorry", I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. He begins to walk towards me, arms reaching out, and I force myself to walk backwards, inching my way to the door. I want to bury myself back into his arms and tell him how much I love him.  
The truth is though, his life would be a lot easier without me in it messing up his relationship with his wife. We’ll have to be friends.   
"We c-can't, I can't, this is too much", I tell him and I force myself to walk out before I change my mind. I hear him call after me but I don’t stop. On my way down the hall I wipe my eyes and brush my shirt down, making sure there aren't tear marks there.  
Back at the table Elizabeth is grinning while talking in a hushed voice to someone over the phone. She pulls her lip between her teeth, eyebrows raised, giggling.   
When she sees me she suddenly sits up straight, getting louder and sounding more professional. I feel like I've walked in on something I shouldn't have seen.  
"Yes, um I'll meet you there in 30 minutes... can't wait..okay, thanks, bye", she smiles.  
"That was the contractor, he's going to meet me at the location. Do you want to come? I'm sure Armie will want to tag along but if you don't feel like it you don't have to."  
I think for a second. Do I want to spend the day with the two of them being couply right now?   
No.  
I don't think I could handle it.  
"Actually that's sweet of you but I promised a friend from New York that I'd meet up with him in the french quarter", I say, grabbing my phone from the table.   
"Okay sweetheart", she smiles but I can tell she knows something's wrong with me.  
"Is everything okay?", she questions. Why is she so goddamn nice to me? I thought she was mad at me but maybe she's not.   
Or maybe she's a better actress than I think.   
"Oh yea, all good, just....allergies I think, makes me puffy. I'll text you guys later to meet up", I say in a jumbled mess.  
"I might have something for those allergies", she calls but I'm already walking away. I throw my hand up in a wave, pretending I didn't hear her and continue walking out the door of the hotel restaurant, not having a clue where the hell i'm going. 

Armie-   
When I make it back to the table, he's nowhere in sight. I sit down hesitantly.   
"Timmy's still not back?", I try to keep my voice even but I'm both pissed off and worried about him. Where is he?   
"Oh no he came back but he said he was going to visit with a friend of his...Is he okay? He seems off", she puts her hand on my arm.   
"Yea I think he's fine", I try to play it off, "he wasn't feeling too good earlier but i'm sure he'll be ok."  
We eat our food and I talk to Harper over facetime for a little while, reminding me how much I miss my kids. Timmy pops into my head after about 2 minutes though and I’m distracted again.   
After hanging up with Harper I wonder where he’s headed. He totally lied about meeting up with someone, he doesn't even know anyone here!! Except for Troy, I think, and my vision blurs. It's suddenly way too hot and I can feel my chest constrict. What if he runs into him somewhere?   
I grab my phone and text him, praying he'll respond.  
11:36 -A// Where are you T????

11:37-A// I know you're on your phone answer me please. We have to talk. 

11:38-A// I just wanna know you're ok Timmy. Who are you meeting?

11:38-T// I'm fine

11:39-A// Well where are you going? 

"You ready?", Liz's voice interrupts my thoughts.  
"We have to meet the contractor in a few minutes", she says.  
I lock my phone, sliding it into my pocket. I help her up from her seat because her heels have to be at least 5" high.   
The man at the podium nods when I tell him to charge the meal to my room, please, and to have a good day.   
Wife interlocks our fingers as we walk outside towards the car, and lets me know she has a driver waiting.  
Once we are in the car I pull my phone back out.

11:40-T// Idk where i’m going

11:46-A// Come back, come meet me somewhere. 

It scares me to think about him alone wandering around New Orleans. I know Timmy can handle himself but he doesn't know his way around, and people can be insane around here. The anxiety that washes over me is something I haven't felt in years, but it cuts into me like a razor that grazes over a fresh wound. 

11:47-T// I need some time to think about things, okay? Go be with your wife and spend time with her and give me a little space, please

11:48-A// No Timmy c'mon why can't we just talk and figure this out? 

11:48-T// I'll text you later

11:48-A// Please T.

11:49-A// Timothee Hal Chalamet.

11:53-A// Fine, be like that then, I don't care.

But the truth is I care so much. 

Timmy-

I turn my phone off, walking a little faster down the street. I walk for about 10 minutes before stopping at a small store in search of headphones. I need something to drown out my feelings and music would be the perfect anchor. While looking at the small selection, I hear a voice behind me.  
"Anything I can help you with?"  
I turn to see a girl about my age with lavender hair dressed in a skirt of the same color and a yellow shirt. She smiles.   
"Oh no I'm okay", I say dismissively and then feel bad.  
"Thank you though", I add to soften my words.  
"Alrighty”, she says, not at all phased by my bad mood.   
I give her a small smile and continue to look at the headphones, trying to decide between a blue pair and a white pair.   
The girl doesn't move though, just watches me intently like a human observes animals at the zoo. I realize it’s because my hands are shaking. I’ve had a lot happen to me in the last few hours though. I straighten up and stick my hands in my pockets to keep them out of view.   
"Are you visiting NOLA or..?", she pipes up again. She shuffled her feet as if she’s uncomfortable.   
I decide on the blue and pluck them from the shelf.  
"Yea", I turn to her, noticing the music playing in the store. Its a song Armie showed me one time and l can't place the name but I can remember it because he'd jokingly asked me to dance that night. We were hanging out in Crema, at his apartment and he put on some playlist full of new songs i'd never heard of.   
A slower song came on and he got up from the couch in a drunken state, grinning at me.  
"Let's dance", he slurred, grabbed my hand.  
"Armie you're drunk man, I think you should sit this one out, plus this isn't dancing music."  
"Not club dancing you silly goose, the slow kind", he tried to pull me to my feet. I laughed at him even though I'd wanted to with every fiber of my being. I wanted to stand on his feet and have him lead me.   
Instead I helped him sit back down.   
“This music isn’t any kind of dancing music”, I laughed  
He pouted. Literally jutted his lower lip out, puppy dog eyes and all.   
"If you still want to dance with me tomorrow, i'll dance with you, ok?", I rubbed his arm.  
"Ok Tim", he breathed, and rested his head on my shoulder, falling asleep instantly.  
Her expression becomes curious, snapping me out of my memory.   
“Where from?”   
“Hmm?”  
“Where are you visiting from?”, she seems to know that i’m distracted.   
“New York. Just here for Mardi Gras.”   
"Cool", she responds. “I’m Caro, by the way”, she says as she rings me up.   
“Timothee. Good to meet you.”  
I can’t tell if she’s flirting or just friendly.  
“Are you enjoying your time here so far?”, she asks. She asks a lot of questions.   
“Yea absolutely, the city itself is beautiful”, I don’t know why we’re still talking but it’s a little comforting to have someone to speak to other than Armie and Elizabeth for once.   
“Isn’t it? I moved here about 5 years ago and don’t plan on going anywhere. Unless of course my boyfriend decides he wants to pick up and leave. Which is cool, I love traveling.”  
At this point i’ve already paid, and my question of flirting has been answered.  
“Nice”, I respond trying to sound enthusiastic. The song is still playing though and I wish I knew what it was.  
"Do you mind telling me what song this is?", I stop to say.  
"Streetcar. It's by Daniel Caesar", she automatically spits out like a human shazam.  
"Thanks", I dip my head in appreciation.  
“Bye, nice meeting you”, I hear her call, and I wave before walking out the door.   
I download the song and connect the headphones to my phone, pressing play and letting myself fantasize about an alternative life where the whole world is Armie and me.   
After playing the song 3 times and wandering aimlessly I look up and see a sign in small fancy lettering; it reads “Bottom of the Cup Coffee Room.” I consider stopping in for a cup and hear the ding of my phone interrupt my music.   
One new message:

12:29-A// I already miss you next to me.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timmy tries something...peculiar...Armie meets someone new...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Please don't hate me I know I've been gone for a month. Writing is rough... I love you all for reading though I'm sorry I suck. xx (P.S. If you're against psychics this chapter may not be for you...)

Armie- 

The location is insane. In a good way. It's right near a group of other businesses but the street is flooded with an assortment of different people, which would mean a variety of customers. 

We walk up the stairs to the old, rustic looking building and my eyes land on a tall brown-haired man with a polo shirt and nice sunglasses standing in the window; khaki shorts and spiked hair also drape him. 

He smiles when he sees us, his demeanor friendly but demanding of respect. He's confident. Polo man waltzes outside and I make a note of how well-groomed he is.

Healthy fingernails, toned shoulders, sharp jawline. He could easily be on the cover of Men's Health.

Elizabeth, so good to see you again", he remarks to my wife, and shakes her hand in a friendly, nonchalant way. I take it they've met before. 

His eyes reveal that he thinks my wife is beautiful. I know that look all too well, but for the first time, it doesn't bother me that someone's looking. I don't feel threatened, maybe because Elizabeth and I are in a bad place, or maybe because I know she's faithful. 

He turns to me, smile big, hand smooth, only a couple of inches shorter than me.

"And Mr. Hammer!", he says like we're old friends, shaking my hand firmly but touching my upper arm with his other hand, showing a sign of care. 

His cologne is nice, smells expensive. I'm over analyzing every second of this meeting because I can't figure out if I like him or not. 

Is it jealously that flows through me? or admiration for his good taste in shoes and clothes? Being unable to determine what I'm feeling frustrates me.

"Call me Armie", I say out of habit, wanting to get on his level of friendliness. 

"Jared, good to meet you. If you guys want to follow me I'll show you the building and we can make some decisions on what we want to tear down and what we don't. Later, we can go over everything again just to make sure it's all adjusted to your liking. Any questions?"

I can tell he's done this for quite a while and is very good at it, which is probably why Elizabeth hired him in the first place. 

He and Elizabeth continue walking through, talking countertops and kitchen machinery, leaving me in the foyer. I feel more alone than I have in months. 

I pull out my phone and text the only person who could make me feel better. 

12:29-A// I already miss you next to me. 

Timmy- 

The second I pull the door open to the small building I'm hit with a wave of cold air and the strong scent of coffee. Most of everything is grey, except for the black winding staircase towards the back; the lighting is dim. 

The bright orange flames from the brick fire place and the red velvet curtain hanging in the back are the only sources of color. 

A small sign stands next a grey podium reading "self-seating", so I make my way to the farthest right table available. Only a few tables are taken, mostly by people on laptops. 

A tall woman with a black bun on her head walks up to me with a menu in her hand. Her red lipstick and her pale skin are so contrasting to each other that I can't help but think if vampires were real, she would surely be one. 

"Can I get you anything sweetheart, or do you need a few minutes", she asks as she slides the menu in front of me. 

"I'll just have a coffee", I say as I go to hand her the menu you back, but something on the back catches my eye. 

"Actually, Ill keep this just in case I decide to order something else."

She just gives me a weird look.

"Okay, be right back with your coffee."

I wait until she's gone before flipping over the menu and my eyes land on what I had just seen moments before.

"Psychic Readings Available, Ask for More!" 

I feel like someone's pulling a prank here. The second I need help I end up in a coffee shop with a psychic? I have to admit I'm intrigued. I've always read that that kind of stuff was all mumbo jumbo and that it didn't really tell you anything. On the other hand, maybe they could tell me something about Armie, and what to do. Is it worth it?

The woman cuts off my thoughts with a clank of the coffee cup hitting the table. She smiles sweetly down on me, as if she knows what I've been thinking. 

"Need anything else at the moment, sweetie?", each word comes out longer than it would in normal conversation. For some reason I feel nervous being around her. 

"No, uhm, not right now, thank you", I grab a packet of sugar to distract my hands even though I could drink the coffee without it.

When I look back up she's gone. 

I pull out my phone and go to text Armie:

12:46-T// I miss you too

I don't send it. 

I can't do it. I have to stay away so that he can be happy. 

I pour at least half the cup of coffee down my throat, the temperature much too hot but I don't stop. I see my waitress come into view and wave her over.

"Yea honey?", she batts her eyelashes at me, hips slightly swaying as she walks up to my table.

"I- I'd like to ask about your readings."

I have no idea how to ask about this.

"Okay", she nods, like she suspected I would ask all along.

"Follow me, handsome", she winks and swivels around, her bun bobbing up and down on her head as she leads me towards the curtain. 

I get up like I've been entranced to do so, stopping to throw a 5 on the table and instinctively follow her foot steps to the curtain, which she has disappeared behind. 

I hesitantly slip through, hoping she'd wanted me to follow her in. 

My eyes are met with a long hallway leading to one door at the end. From the second I stepped into this place I've felt weird in an indescribable way. I feel like I'm here physically, but not mentally. I quicken my pace to catch up with her and walk through the door when she opens it. 

"Madame, your next customer has arrived", she says to someone in the room whom I can't see clearly, due to the darkness of the room. It smells of incense and cigarettes, an odd combination and the feeling that washes over me makes me think I should turn around while I still have a chance.

"What's your name, long locks?", the voice speaks from a short distance. I can make out the outline of the body who's speaking well enough to know it's a woman. The black-haired woman leaves, closing the creaking door behind her. 

"Timothee", I speak softly.

"Mmm", she nearly moans,"Timothee, Timmy for short, I'm sure."

"Yes mam", although I don't know this woman I feel obligated to respect her as if she were a mentor.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm not much older than you, call me Rein."

She continues, "You came to see me about something important today, didn't you Timmy", it's more of a statement than it is a question.

"Yes", I try to squint through the darkness to see her.

"Well sweetheart, I can assure you, you came to the right place. We have to go through a few guidelines of my services before we begin, okay?"

I nod toward the shadow of the figure speaking.

"Rule number one, you do not get to look at me. You won't know who I am, got it?"

"Yes." This makes me uneasy. 

"Good boy. Number two, you will not disclose anything I help you with to anyone else", she says and I start to worry. I wish I wouldn't have gone in to begin with.

"This is not like a normal reading Timothee, okay? Not even close. I can't even explain exactly how I can do what I can do. You're just going to have to trust me."

"That-is rule number three. Trust. Without trust, this isn't going to work."

I take all of this information in and decide that if I've already gotten this far, I might as well keep going. 

"Okay. I'm ready", I shake my head. For some reason being in this room feels like I'm in someone else's body, and like I'm being controlled somehow. It's like an itch I can't scratch, very subtle, but equally annoying.

"Behind you, dear, you're going to find a chair and a blindfold on it. Please have a seat and put the blind fold on. We can't have you seeing me, right?"

Armie- 

An hour later, Elizabeth and Jared are still crunching numbers and making decisions and I am ready to go. I want to get back to Timmy. I play on my phone for a while to distract myself, but my mind keeps running off to my boy. 

I open my camera and find myself going through my pictures. Each one of Timmy is so adorable that it helps to ease a little of the pain. I let myself just for a second, think about how much I hate that he said he can't be with me. 

I don't know how to show him that he can be. That I want him and it's okay for him to want me. 

Fuck, I'm such a fuck up. A wife, 2 kids, and a... boyfriend? No, not that. He's so much more than some adolescent title. I don't even know what to call him, but he's a part of me that I didn't know I needed. Now that I do though, I feel off without him. 

"Husband!", I hear Liz call through the house. I get up from my seat near the kitchen area and follow her voice.

"Are you ready?", she asks as I come into view. She's smiling bigger than I have seen her do in months. 

"Sure baby, if you are."

"Maybe you and me and Jared could grab a late lunch together, yea?", she says with a smile, pressing her thumb in to my shoulder which is supposed to be a signal for me to say yes even though she knows I don't want to. 

I smile because that's what a good husband would do and breathe deeply through my nose. 

"Absolutely. Jared, have any restaurant recommendations?"


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A double update to make up for lost time. Lots of love :)

Timmy- Sure enough, when I turn around there is a chair behind me with a black blindfold sitting on top, something I hadn't noticed before.

I sit and do as I'm told, tying the blindfold tightly behind my head.

"Wait. What about payment?"

"A small sum of $100 will suffice, along with those 3 rules we talked about. Remember though, if you break a rule, there will be repercussions."

There's no way I can stop myself from talking to Armie about it.

"I'm not sure about that 2nd rule. What if I want to talk to one person about it?"

"Well, I suppose if we bumped up that price to $500, I can allow you to tell one person."

What a fucking scam artist. Armies worth the money though for sure.

"Fine", I can hear the annoyance in my voice.

"Can you see anything?"

"No."

"Good. Now, this will only take a second", she suddenly straddles my lap, grasping my shoulders for support.

"What-What are you doing?", I ask concernedly. Is this all just a ploy for sex? What the hell is going on?

"Timmy, calm down, trust. me."

I can't relax because I don't have any idea of what she's doing, and it's not helping that I can't see a thing.

"Timmy?"

"Yea?"

"I'm going to kiss you now. I promise it won't take long."

I say nothing. I just hope it's over soon.

She leans toward me very slowly and because of the agitation flowing through me I can't take her dragging this out. I move forward and press my lips to hers.

It only lasts a second before she pulls away, but at least 30 memories of Armie and I flash through my mind in that second:

He and I at a press conference, him smirking at me.

Armie and I in Crema, me poking his side as we walk down a side street.

Him kissing me after he made me dinner, me pressed against the bed.

Armie and I pretending to be a couple.

Our only rehearsal, Luca walking away as we made out.

Small glances exchanged back and forth at dinner.

His hand around my waist for a bit too long while we pose for pictures.

Me pushing him away this morning in the bathroom, my eyes still puffy.

She gets up fast, breathing heavy and I think she might be crying.

"What did you just do?", I can feel myself on the verge of tears. Reliving some of the best moments of my life and knowing I can't go back to them is overwhelming.

She sniffles before replying.

"I went through your memories. I only get the ones that trouble you the most", she sounds less seductive now, more like a doctor speaking to a patient.

"How do you do that?", I ask in amazement. No one would believe me if I told them this happened.

"I was born like this, I can't explain it. Now let's talk about what's bothering you."

"Wait. Did you only see what I saw?"

"No. I see everything that troubles you the most. I have a pretty good idea that we are going to need to discuss the man who was recurring in your memories, as well as the woman who appears to be his wife. Am I correct?"

I'm so surprised she knows all of this even though she did just get in my head. I can't believe this is happening.

I nod.

"Your burning desire for him is driving you up the wall because as much as you both love each other, there seems to be the issue that he is married...with children, if I saw that right."

I nod again, baffled that someone other than me understands now what's going on.

"In my opinion, it's wrong that you're doing this behind the woman's back...", she begins, and I hang my head in shame. "But. My intuition is telling me that you and he belong together. That you'll never feel happy or fulfilled again until you are together. When you pushed him away, you made the wrong decision. So, go to him. I wish I could help more, but you really must leave soon. One of the side effects of me helping you is that it brings me physical pain. My bruises are starting to form, and soon the pain will be unbearable. My screams are not something people normally like to hear."

I have so many questions, so many unresolved things in my head, and too much information to process. So he and I do belong together... This both excites me and terrifies me for what that means in the future.

"What about the payment?"

"It's already been taken care of darling, it's been a pleasure", she coughs and I hear a door close in the dark. I know she's gone.

I take a second to think about what she's said, and how now someone else in the world knows what's going on in my life, knows about _us_. It's a little scary.

The thought of her being a fake also keeps crossing my mind, but after seeing all of those memories and her knowing what happened, it's a little hard to deny that she was real.

After a minute I get up, walk out the door and back through the red curtain. The black-haired woman is nowhere to be seen so I leave the cafe without looking back.

I must walk around for 20 minutes, just thinking about what happened. Did that really happen? Am I delusional? I touch my fingers to my lips, remembering how her mouth had kind of shocked mine in the process, how my memories were now hers.

_What do you do now Timothee?_

_Where do you go from here?_

I grab my phone out of my pocket and hit the first number in my favorites list, hoping he has his phone on him.

_Please answer, please answer._

The phone rings only once before I hear the line pick up.

"Timmy?", he says hopefully, his voice sounding deeper than ever and my heart jolts at how much I've missed him even though it's only been a few hours.

 

Armie-

I'm slightly giddy after talking to Timmy, knowing that he's on his way to meet me. I recall the conversation in my head as we walk along, and can feel the difference in my steps just from talking to him for a few minutes.

"Timmy?", I'd said into the phone, so fucking happy he was calling. He could've told me to go fuck myself and I would've been happy just to hear his voice.

"Hi..Armie...uhm, I've been walking around and stuff for a while, but I told Liz that we'd eventually meet up, so I was wondering if you still wanted to do that...", his words are rushed. He's either nervous or uncomfortable trying to get his words out. I'm willing to guess it's both.

"Yes, fantastic, I'll text you an address", I can't even hide my excitement that he wants to see me.

"Okay, see you soon", he sounds less upset than earlier which makes me happy.

"Can't wait", I say. _Was that too much?_ _oh well._

"Oh, by the way, get ready to meet a real-life ken doll with brown hair", I say, referring to Jared.

"Armie, you are a real-life ken doll with brown hair", he says like it's a fact, and I can't help the loud chuckle that erupts from my throat.

 

Timmy-

The address takes me to a restaurant on the other side of town, so I Uber there and make it in about 20 minutes.

The driver happened to be a fan, so we took a couple of pictures together and he asked me to sign his shirt. He nearly cried when I got in the car so I gave him a huge hug and we talked the whole way there. He was a really sweet guy.

I walk into the place and pull off my sunglasses, my eyes adjusting to the dim lighting.

I have to ask the woman at the podium where I could find an extremely tall man and she says

"Is he handsome?", and I just nod because who the hell asks that.

"He's at the middle table right around the corner."

I thank her and brace myself for my lover, his super-model wife, and the supposed Ken doll.

My eyes are instead met with a nervous Armie, a giggly Liz, and a well-dressed, average looking man. I have no idea why Armie said he would look like a ken doll. Armie is 100 times better looking than this guy.

Okay, so my opinion night be a little biased because of the whole 'being in love with him' thing, but he's most definitely hotter than the guy.

"Timmy!", Elizabeth half screams across the nice restaurant. She's had at least 3 drinks judging by her voice. Armies head snaps up to look at me, and I feel his eyes travel up and down my body like he's taking mental pictures and simultaneously devouring me.

I feel heat rush to my face and smile at them both. I pat Armie on the shoulder and bend to kiss Liz on the cheek before extending my hand to Ken.

"Hi, Timothee, nice to meet you", I try to seem more confident than I feel.

"Jared. Jesus son, you look like a French dream boat."

I thank him, feeling embarrassed by his compliment and take my seat with Armie on my right and Jared to my left.

I catch Armie fixing his napkin on his lap, a scowl on his face. Jared's comment obviously annoyed him which brings me joy for some reason. After a moment he clears his throat.

"Tim we just ordered calamari and mozzarella logs, Jared says they are to die for", he smiles at me knowingly. He knows calamari is one of my favorite dishes.

"Sounds fantastic" I lick my lips.

Jared and Elizabeth begin a conversation of designers they know and before I know it, its just me and Armie sitting in silence, not looking at each other. The weird tension between he and I is alarmingly painful, but I try to act natural. When I see him looking towards me, I nonchalantly grab his drink.

"That's mine", he whispers, so as not to alarm Elizabeth. "I'm aware", I smirk as I bring his cup to my lips. What's the big deal anyway? His eyes narrow when the drink spills down the side of the cup, and they widen when I look him dead in the eye and lick up the side to gather the excess water. I lick my lips in appreciation and put his cup back in its position.

"Thank God, I was so parched", I taunt him a little. What the hell is wrong with me? A few hours ago I was crying and pushing him away and now I'm trying to tease him.

The waiter comes back soon after to take our orders and I order the same thing as Armie because I didn't even look at the menu.

After a few minutes Elizabeth excuses herself to use the restroom; Jared relaxes in his chair.

"So Timmy", he focuses his attention towards me, "Have you got a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Anything like that?"

Armie spits the drink he was drinking into his cup and I we both look at him like he's insane. I know he was caught off guard by the question, and definitely upset about it.

 

Armie-

"Bad drink", I explain and make a face, but Timmy knows the real reason.

"Uh no, actually, I don't", he says, and I know he's genuinely confused even though it's written all over Ken that he likes my Timmy. _My Timmy_. I didn't even think for a second this guy was gay, especially considering how he was looking at Elizabeth, but you never know.

"Well, if you're open to the idea, maybe you would consider getting coffee with me or grabbing dinner one day", he says with a big goofy smile that would probably make most people melt. He's being so charming that I worry Timmy will say yes. I grip the napkin on my lap in my hand, trying to remain in control of myself.

"Oh! That's so sweet, but uhm, I'm- I'm not-", but I cut him off.

"He's not _gay_ ", I say for him, maybe a bit too possessively, but I can't take it back now. At least Liz wasn't at the table.

He takes it really well though, bouncing back like a true player.

"Oh, I'm not either. I'm into both men and women, that's okay I understand, let me know if you change your mind though", he says and winks at my Timmy.

Fucking well-dressed prick.

Thankfully at that second the distraction of the food and my wife come at the same time.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey party people I’m gonna try to start updating weekly maybe more often if I can...hope everyone enjoys this one :)   
> (p.s. plz be gentle I’ve never written anything like this)

Timmy-  
I'm more than surprised when Jared asks me out, and I almost say yes because of how charming he is, how hard he is to say no to. Fortunately, Armie saves me, sounding a bit too over protective for a friend, but Jared doesn't catch it.  
Armie is quiet after that, barely eating his food, not much of a conversationalist either.  
I let myself relax a little knowing that he's calmer now and I hope he won't say anything else stupid that might draw attention to us.  
After dinner and dessert we all head out, walking through the streets, not with any destination in mind. It must have dropped a good 15 degrees or more, and I'm a little cold in the thin t-shirt on my body. I steal small glances at Armie through my peripheral vision to check on his attitude, but he’s still being quiet, almost pouting. I wish he’d be happier.   
Elizabeth catches sight of a bakery and squeals so loud that I may have lost hearing in my right ear.  
"I HAVE TO go in there", her face lights up like a kid on Christmas.  
"Sweetheart, I'm too stuffed for sweets, why don't you just meet me at the hotel?", Armie groans.   
"Me too", I rub my stomach, but I really just want to go back to the hotel, and maybe swim or hang out in the room.   
"Oh boo-hoo you guys are such party-killers. Jared?", she offers her arm, "will you join me for taste testing and a possible sugar coma?"  
"I'd be honored", he jokes, looping his arm through hers.  
"We'll see you boys later!", she calls, running across the street, half-dragging Jared with her.  
Then it's just Armie and I. I hear a small low rumble of thunder in the distance, but I don't pay much mind to it.  
He and I walk along down the street and I hope he knows where he's going because I sure don't. I don't know what to say, and I don't think he does either.  
My mind wanders to Crema, and how different everything is outside of that tiny place. How much easier things were then, in our own little world.  
"Hey", I finally break the silence, "do you remember that one day, after filming the waterfall scene how we went straight to Luca's, drenched, not even bothering to shower, and he made everyone dinner?", he laughs.  
"Yes! And we drank and wrapped ourselves in blankets and wrestled around the whole house while the crew yelled at us in Italian? We accidentally ripped a painting off of the wall and everything! Esther was so drunk that we had to carry her home", he remembers, and we giggle at the memory of her falling all over the place.  
She really was a touchy drunk. On several occasions Armie had to pull her hands off of him in fear that they'd continue traveling down to his waistband.  
"We stopped and went skinny dipping in the river after we dropped her off, it was like 3 in the morning and we didn't care one bit!", I chime in; we are both doubled over at this point. To anyone else the story probably wasn't nearly as funny, but it was one of those things you had to be there for. It was one of those nights when you feel on top of the world.   
He grabs onto my arm for support, his laughter controlling his balance. After a few minutes the laughter dies out and the silence around us reminds me of the issue at hand.   
Eventually we walk again.  
"So", he says, his tone more serious," did you have enough time to think about what you said earlier? How you pushed me away?", his words aren't unkind, simply curious.

Armie-  
The cold air serves as a distraction as we stroll down the street. An awkward tension between Timmy and I overflows in his movements and in my own silence. We are, once again, in uncharted territory and I have no clue how to navigate here. We've never fought, we've never ever blocked each other out until today.   
He recalls a story of our time in Crema, and I can remember the night he's talking about, but it's all blurred vision for me until we went swimming. I remember every detail of that part because his long torso and perfectly shaped ass have been carved into my mind ever since that night.  
After laughing so hard I could pee, I remember our current situation and can't stop myself from saying it:  
"So, did you have enough time to think about what you said earlier? How you pushed me away?", I try to remain clear, not moved by the way he won't look at me.  
"Yea I did", he replies, not helping the pain in my chest. He doesn't want me. There's no emotion in his voice that could tell me otherwise.   
"And?", I sound desperate I can tell, but fuck it.  
"Can we talk about this somewhere more private?", he asks, and my mind whirls. Why would we need to be somewhere private? So that I don't break down in front of passing citizens?  
"Why can't we talk here?" My voice is defensive and I see his mind spinning.  
"Do you want everyone to know our business? Look, we can't be that far away from the hotel why can't we just-", but I can't take it and cut him off.  
"No Timmy, please, if you're about to break my heart into pieces it might as well be somewhere public, just say it", I snap. I'm more enraged than I should be considering that I haven't heard him out. I had thought from his call earlier that he'd made the decision to be with me, but my hope is fading with each second that passes.  
Why does he have to drag it out? He's obviously about to tell me that he took time to think it over, and that he can't do it. Why else would he want to go somewhere 'private'?  
I don't want to hear the words come out of his mouth but I stand my ground anyway. If he says what I think he will I have to show him that i'm okay, and that I can be okay without him even though I know I can't.

Timmy-  
"And what if that's not what I'm going to say?", my voice is a little loud, but I don't fucking care anymore. I'm pissed enough at myself for letting him think I was going to toss him aside, and I'm even more pissed that he would believe it.  
I don't know how he didn't pick up the fact that I still want him when I was licking up the side of his damn water glass at dinner. Is he blind?  
I know I thought it would be better for him if we were apart, but it's clear now that he's only in more pain without me. So am I.   
"Huh?", he looks puzzled, a wisp of condensation falling out of his mouth in a haze of smoke. I take note of the temperature dropping as we speak.   
"What if I was going to say that I still want you and that I made a mistake, huh?", I step closer to him, until I have to crane my neck to look up at him, his height being less of a challenge and more of an invitation at the moment.   
His face changes color, and he gains at least two shades back. His breathing shifts as well, and I wonder for the millionth time how I possibly have such an effect on this beautiful man.   
"I-Is that what you were going to say?", he's inching towards me now, his breathing heavy, almost breathless. His eyes rest on my lips and he leans down a little, I swear only to taunt me. Gently, almost too gently, he raises a single hand to cup the side of my face, a gesture of need. I feel my breath catch at the contact, missing his warmth on my always chilly skin and my face tingles at the touch. My throat closes at the proximity of our bodies in the cold, completely out in the open for anyone to see, and the way he's looking at me is sinful, but he's cut off by rain beginning to fall.  
"Shit", he says, breaking the spell between us.  
"We need to start walking. The hotel is only a few blocks from here", he drops his hand from my face.   
We say nothing as we walk quickly side by side, but the cold rain becomes heavier and falls faster and I begin to shiver as we walk. He notices and looks at me with a grimace, as if it's painful for him to see me cold.  
The steps to the lobby are inviting and we take them two at a time to get out of the rain. I take a deep breath as we step inside, the air-conditioned lobby and my soaked clothes make for an uncomfortable and rather freezing combination.  
We make our way to the elevator and once inside he says nothing, just wraps his wet arms around me in an attempt to stop my teeth from chattering.  
He leads me to our room which now only holds my things and I finally understand why he had me take Elizabeth downstairs this morning: to get his things to a different room. How smart.  
He stumbles to the bathroom, turning the shower handle to its hottest temperature before grabbing a towel off of the shelf and throwing it over the rack for me.  
He walks back through the room and changes the thermostat to a higher temp as well. Then he hurries back over to me.  
His eyes are worried and his brow creased as he takes in my appearance.  
"Jesus you're as white as a ghost", he exclaims.  
"Cold", I mutter, still shivering.  
He comes closer and his hands meet the skin at the bottom of my t-shirt. I suck in a breath loudly at the warmth of his skin and his eyes flick up to mine at the sound. His seductive stare is tempting but not tempting enough at the moment. I think he takes the hint as I continue to shiver uncontrollably.  
He effortlessly removes my shirt and unbuttons my pants without taking his eyes from mine.  
"I wish I was undressing you in different circumstances", he teases, "but this will do for now."  
I can tell he wants to take this further, that he's thinking of everything he's ever wanted to do to me. This makes my blood boil, wanting him as bad as I do. But the protective side of him wants me to warm up, and his paternal nature wins.  
He finally ends up taking my hand to lead me to the bathroom and thrusts his hand under the shower water to feel the heat. He sucks air in his teeth and moves the nozzle to be slightly cooler before helping me into the shower like a child. I pull my underwear off and throw them out, not caring what I look like at the moment. I welcome the scalding water with open arms, and rub my hands together under the spout, attempting to gain some sort of feeling back into them.  
The heat is a welcome exchange but I still feel as though I’m missing something. Armie sits thoughtfully on the cover of the toilet, observing me to make sure I'm okay, but all I want is to be closer to him.   
I reach my hand out, deciding irrationally to let go of any issue that could possibly go on outside of this bathroom, and nervously beckon for him to join me.

Armie-  
I rise without a second thought and strip my own garments off. I'm in the shower clutching him before I know it; both hands wrapped around his back, feeling him whimper into my chest.  
"Don't cry baby", I whisper, my voice raspy.  
"Can't feel my fingers", he starts to panic.  
Unthinking, I grab his left hand and pluck his index finger into my mouth, softly sucking. It's not meant to be sexual, it's meant to put some heat into his hands, but it turns out to be sexual anyway.  
"Ugh", he moans at the sensation in his fingertips. The chill of his body mixed with the warmth in the air causes his skin to burn, surely overloading his senses on top of my mouth around his fingers.  
I drop the left hand and grab the right, greedily shoving fingers into my mouth. I'd love to hear that sound again. When it becomes clear that he can feel his hands, I regretfully drop them to grab the hotel soap from the shower shelf and pour it into my hands. He turns to face the shower head, his hair under the faucet, the hot water a waterfall down his face.   
With his back to me, I skillfully work the soap over his back, massaging it into his shoulder blades with my fingertips, down his spine, around to his stomach, and I feel him freeze as I step closer to him, my length pressing against his backside while rubbing soap over his hips. His breathing hiccups.  
"Armie", he breathes and he presses back against me.  
It’s my turn to be caught off guard, my name rising on his lips is a whole fucking turn on I didn’t know I had. It’s time to make a decision here- be an adult and don’t get carried away, or let my heart and my body take over. I almost pull it together, but he reaches back to grip a hand into my thigh, and that’s it for me.   
To tease him a little further, I pull back and drop to my knees to clean his legs.  
He turns to face me and I gently massage his thighs, leaning in to kiss his hipbone, causing him to hiss. He wants me; It drives me wild. I don't know what I'm doing, never thought I'd be with a man in the first place, but here we are.

Timmy-  
He's in front of me on his knees before I can think about it, rubbing circles into my thighs with his large hands, and all I want is his mouth around me. He gets close, wayyyy too close for comfort and I bite my lip to avoid saying something. This new, needier version of Armie is one I didn't know I needed. My legs begin to wobble from anticipation and he seems to notice. I feel him smile against my thigh as he kisses the skin connecting my hip to my thigh.   
His eyes lock on mine in a question, asking permission to make me feel good.  
“Do you want this?”, he asks.  
I nod quickly, ready to let him do anything.   
His name falls from my lips in continuous spurts as he brings his lips to my erection, swiping his tongue over the tip. He takes me into his mouth and I nearly lose my balance, but his strong hands hold my thighs firmly in place as he continues his immensely pleasurable assault on me.  
"Fuck", is all I can manage to say. I lean against the wall to try to help him keep me up. I've wanted this longer than anyone could possibly imagine; I can feel the pressure in my stomach building and it's heavenly to say the least. He looks up at me, thoroughly debauched with my hands fisting his hair, a picture of perfection at my feet.  
As he takes as much of me into his mouth as he can, my hips involuntarily begin to move forward. He makes little noises signaling that I'm hitting the back of his throat but seems to have no gag reflexes whatsoever and it doesn't take long for me to nearly lose it.   
With his mouth still around me he moves one hand to my ass, his index finger teasing the muscle of my unbreached hole. The movement of his tongue along with the new sensation pushes me over the edge. I find myself struggling not to yell as I come in his mouth, and am completely spent as I finish my orgasm with him now completely holding me up. He swallows my cum thoughtfully, licking his lips.   
"You taste good", he sounds surprised with himself.  
He stands up, still holding me, and I wrap my arms around his waist.  
"Better now?", he laughs.   
“Mhmmmm”, I reach up for a final kiss, tasting myself on his tongue while I fall asleep in his arms. 

Armie-   
As I lay next to a sleeping Timothee I take in every inch of him. Not just body, but mind; heart. This unconscious being who somehow fucking fell into my lap and flipped everything I thought I knew about life. He changed me in little ways, things people normally wouldn’t even see because they’re all in my mind.   
With just his eyes, always so full of wonder and compassion, he could send me a story of something he went through, something as simple as a trip to the grocery store, and his features grant me a full-detailed picture of the story, drawn out to a T like it was made for me. He’s, for lack of a better word, incredible. Emotionally malleable, intelligent as hell, with a perspective different from anyone I have ever met.   
Fuck, I’m so fucked.  
I check the time then, snapping out of my assessment and put my clothes back on slowly, trying not to wake him. Regretfully, I tiptoe out of his room and walk down to mine in order to get back before Elizabeth comes home.   
After sitting there for what feels like hours thinking about the fact that I just sucked a dick, I feel the buzz of my phone. Elizabeth’s face pops up across the screen.   
“Come downstairs babe”, she speaks into the phone.  
“Are you okay?”, I ask, confused. Maybe she wants to go out.   
“Yes. Fine, but I have to fly back to LA tonight I forgot I had an event tomorrow. Come kiss me goodbye.” She sounds tired.  
I throw on a coat because it’s still cold and a little rainy from what I can see out of the window.   
The doorman pulls open the door for me when I make it down and I thank him as I’m hit with a gust of freezing wind. What the hell is this weather?   
Elizabeth is leaning against a car door, hands in the pockets of an expensive jacket that surely can’t actually be warming her up, and her teeth chatter as she smiles at me.   
“Did you have fun with Jared?”  
“Yes! The lemon tarts were to die for, but now I feel like I should go for a 5 mile run”, she touches her stomach.   
“Oh, well that’s good, and no honey, you don’t need it”, I say because it’s true, and realize this is the first time we haven’t argued in a long time. It’s not great, but it’s not hell either.   
“Coming home soon?”, she kicks the toe of her shoe into the concrete, shivering.   
“Only a few more days...should be home for Valentine’s day night”, I go to wrap her in a hug in hopes that she’ll warm up a little.   
“Okay...we can get dinner and have someone take the kids for the night” she breathes, resting her head against my shoulder blade, attempting romance. It’s not the same.   
“Sounds amazing. Text me when you land”  
“Of course”, she brings her hand up to caress the back of my head, and the thought  
of Timmy doing something similar only an hour ago flashes through my mind. Guilt floods through me and to make up for it I press my lips to hers for a long kiss, wrapping an arm around the back of her waist, just how she likes it.   
When we pull away, I notice something odd.  
“You smell different”, like jared.  
She tenses for a moment before looking up and past me, not giving anything away but still making me wonder...  
“You taste different”, she looks me in the eye, not accusing, but still, it’s my turn to tense up. I don’t comment on it and she doesn’t either.   
“Well, I’d better go. Don’t want to miss my flight”, she steps out of my embrace. I feel a strangeness between us now, but can’t do anything behind it.   
“Alright. Call me tomorrow when the babes wake up. Want to hear their voices.”   
“Will do. I love you”, she calls as she walks away.   
“I love you”, I repeat back to her. Watching her car drive away, I find myself thinking about the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW that I said a week, but let me tell ya, life’s been insane. With that being said, i’m sorry, and I won’t be making anymore promises about updates because clearly I can’t stick to them. In short, my phone and laptop broke on the same day, I got my wisdom teeth out and was hopped up on pain pills for days, I spontaneously went out of town, I got a job, and there’s a ton of family stuff going on right now.  
> Anyways, thank you for your love and support as always. I hate this chapter but I didn’t know how to change it.  
> I love you.  
> Here we go...

Timmy-

A warm body pressed against my back forces me awake, enveloping me in an uncomfortable but welcoming cavern of heat. I breathe in the cold air, sighing when I remember where I am, and that it’s Armies arm that’s trapping my waist to his t-shirt clothed torso.  
 _Armie_ , I suddenly think, _oh fuck!_  
I get up quickly, picking up the pillow that was comforting my head and slam it into his shoulder.  
“Armie!! Get up, get up, get up!”, I squeak, full blown terror in my voice.  
He remains still, and it dawns on me how I didn’t know he was such a heavy sleeper.  
“Aarrrmmiieeee”, I whine, hitting him again.  
He slowly opens up his eyes, squinting at me in confusion.  
“What? Where’s the fire?”, he rubs the back of one hand lazily over his eyes.  
“You never went back to your room Elizabeth’s probably flipping the fuck out right now, get uuuuupp”, I exaggerate, standing up on the bed and attempting to pull him up by his hand.  
He’s so calm for a second, too calm, before he abruptly begins laughing.  
“This is literally not time for laughing big guy get the hell out of here!”  
“Timmy, baby...calm down. She left last night”, he says before swiftly pulling me back down by the same hand I was pulling him up by, onto his chest.  
“Oh”, I sheepishly smile when I land on him before punching him in the shoulder,  
“You scared the shit out of me. I thought she’d like... figured it out or something.”  
Armie smiles softly at that, but then a blank stare takes over his face.  
“What’s the matter?”  
“Nothing nothing... it’s just that...we have to talk at some point about...you know, Liz and what we’re gonna tell her”, he says and rubs my back, my head resting on his chest.  
My heart wants him to tell her that he’s in love with me, and that they’re done, but in my head I know it’s not that simple. It’s too much for me to think about right now when all I want is to bury myself in him.  
“Can that conversation...not happen right now?”, I ask, my voice 2 pitches too high.  
He sighs, loud and with finality.  
“Yea...we can just talk about it later...we still have 3 more days right?”, he places a kiss to my temple while fiddling with my hair.  
That sentence pulls three emotions from me that do not go well together: excitement that we have another three days alone together, sadness that we don’t have more time, and fear of what happens after our three days of heaven.  
“Yea.” I fold my hands on his chest, resting my chin on top of them and looking into crystal blue eyes. He suddenly moves towards me for a kiss while shifting his hips up to meet mine in an effort to create some friction. As much as I want to reciprocate, he can’t get everything he wants all of the time.  
“No no no no”, I move my face away from his, and put my hands on either side of his torso, pushing myself off of his body.  
“No kissing or anything else for that matter until you shave. Razor burn is bitch”, I smile to soften my request and run the back of my knuckles over the prickly beard forming on his face. He smirks.  
“Oh, so you don’t like my facial hair? Aw Timmy you’ve hurt my feelings”, he fake pouts, using his index finger to run up along the inside of my right arm which is currently holding me up. The skin tickles there and I move off of him so i’m not so close, his heat still overpowering.  
“Don’t get me wrong, the beard itself is sexy, but it’s so scratchy...”  
“Sexy?”, he looks at me with hooded eyes, seduction seeping from his pores. A lion trapping its pray. I don’t take the bait.  
“shaaaaavvveee”, I repeat before getting up to stretch, throwing on some sweatpants from my bag while Armie watches my every step.  
“Fine”, he eventually grumbles before getting up. I make my way to the bathroom, brushing by him to brush my teeth but before I can make it there he has me against the wall, one hand on my chest, his fingers covering most of the surface area. His grip is strong, firm, and making me hard at the touch.  
“Are you sure you don’t want me instead?”, he voice drips lust, his blue eyes coming to rest on mine, drilling into me like laser beams.  
“I have morning breath”, I make a half-hearted effort to get him to pull away, but the shaking of my voice along with the new bulge in my pants betray my words.  
Instead of answering, he lowers his head and intently uses his tongue to trace my bottom lip, begging for entrance although I’m sure he knows i’ll let him in. Giving in to him, our mouths move in synch as our bodies follow, mine crashing into his as he tries to lean into me. My hands find themselves on his biceps, hard muscles contracting against my fingertips. With one foot he parts my knees, leaning a thigh into my twitching groin and I can’t help but suck in a short, desperate breath when he continues to kiss me, softly catching my lip between his teeth in a gentle bite. His body, so different from a woman’s, feels like a new beginning, firmer stature, not so soft, less fragile. These are things I never knew I needed.  
Realizing this is escalating quickly I take advantage of my height, easily attaching my lips to his neck, sucking just enough to have him wince in pleasure. I know i’ve left a mark when he rolls his hips into me as a sign of acceptance, and as I lean back to admire my work he smirks, reaching up to touch to newly bruised skin.  
“Oh, we’re leaving marks now?”, He asks, a wicked grin on his lips that make my insides turn.  
“Does that mean I get to leave marks too?”, he continues as he leans to kiss my clavicles, leaving a thin trail of saliva, using his tongue like a pointer on a roadmap. The words alone cause me to outwardly groan.  
He rolls into my thigh again, throwing me off balance and I grip his shirt to remain upright while the pleasure builds. Just as I begin to pant, a new rhythm of grinding occurring between us, wondering if he can make me come just by doing this, a knock sounds at the door. The knock comes loud, almost insistent, but not angry.  
Fuck.  
We separate immediately, unsticking from each other like nearly-dried glue, breathless and nervous. The look on Armie’s face conveys exactly what I’m feeling: what the fuck. I run to the bathroom, my underwear slightly wet with precome and Armie continues to stare blankly, baffled that someone is on the other side of the door.  
“Armie!”, I whisper yell from the doorframe of the bathroom,  
“Get the door!”, I plead with him.  
More knocking sounds.  
“Just a minute!!”, I yell for him.  
“Timmy, I have a huge ass hickey on my neck what the hell do you want me to do?”, he whispers back, and I can’t help but think the whole thing is comical.  
I burst out laughing, and he looks at me like i’m crazy before a smile breaks across his face, and suddenly we’re both cackling like hyenas at the situation.  
I catch a glimpse of a robe hanging on the back of the handle of the door and have an idea.  
“Put this on and cover your neck with it!” I throw the robe at him. He throws it on in record time and has the door open milliseconds. I listen at the door praying to God it’s not Elizabeth.

Armie-

“Gooooodmorning sir! I just thought you might want some fresh towels for your room”, the plump woman at the door sweetly says, two towels already in hand. Her name tag reads ‘Susan’.  
Aware that Timmy is probably standing behind the bathroom door laughing right now, I grab them from the lady, trying to keep the robe up to my neck at the same time.  
“Thank You, Susan”, I respond and flash her a smile.  
“Enjoy your stay!”, she calls.  
“You too!”, I shut the door practically in her face before realizing how stupid I just sounded.  
The back of my head clangs against the door when I turn around and rest against it, letting the robe finally drop lower than my collarbone.  
“You too” Timmy mimics in a high pitched voice, mocking me. He giggles uncontrollably while he stands in the doorway of the bathroom, leaning against the doorframe in only sweatpants. The sight of him here, for _me_ , wanting me the way I need him, hits me like never before. It reminds my groin what we were up to before interrupted, but it reminds my chest to flutter and soar. I suddenly feel something I haven’t in a while. Not nervous... _shy_?  
“Well,” he continues,” I’m not hard anymore from the fear of being caught half naked together...and not to ruin the mood but i’m hungry as fuck”, he says nonchalantly.  
“We can eat...”, I say, but I need something first.  
“Come here”, I add, holding out my arms to him.  
He follows orders without thinking, and light-footed stomps sound around the room as he makes his way to me.  
I pull him flesh against my chest as if the contact could transfer the love I feel into his body, as if he was a place to pocket a sacred feeling. He wraps his arms around me, and it’s not lusty, just a soft hold around my body, a comfort that says: I know, I feel it too.  
“Armie?”, he whispers after a while. His voice cracks; I feel it in my knees.  
“Yea?”  
“Never thought I’d feel like this.”  
“Like what?”  
“Whole...I guess”, he says, and for the billionth time since I met him, my heart shifts inside of my chest.

At some point we pull away, and I pick some clothes out for him while he brushes his teeth. After he’s dressed we go back to my room and do the same thing, bringing his things with us so that we share a room again. Funny how only a few days ago we were worried about sharing a room and now I can’t imagine being in separate ones.  
The front desk recommends a breakfast place in the quarter, apparently one with great bloody mary’s, and we head there shortly.  
“Timmy?”, I ask as we both look at our menus. We’d had to wait in a line outside of the building of the breakfast place for 30 minutes, and from the outside the place looked like a piece of shit. When we finally got inside though, it was beautiful. The walls were made completely out of debris from hurricane Katrina, entirely refurbished in what once could’ve been considered worthless. The whole interior was a work of art. The hostess took us outside to a small courtyard in the back of the restaurant where plants were strategically placed along the perimeter, and a waterfall quietly remained on the back wall, the pattern falling over a stone so that if you looked at a good angle you could see a golden Fleur Dis Lis through the water. Soft piano played throughout the courtyard while yellow umbrellas covered each table.  
“Yeeees?”, he replies, studying the menu intently as if he’d be quizzed on it momentarily.  
“What made you change your mind? Like about all of this, you and me?”  
“Oh, well...um”, he blushes.  
“I don’t want you to be upset”, he adds.  
“Upset?”  
“Yea.”  
“I won’t be upset.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes I’m-I mean, what could I possibly be upset about?”  
Just as the waiter comes up to take our order, T finally spits it out.  
“I talked to a psychic.”  
I look up at the smiling waitress, and can see the forming question on her lips, but I cut her off before she can say a word.  
“We’re gonna need a few minutes.” She nods.  
A psychic? Why in the hell would he talk to a psychic? Not that I’m opposed, but I guess I was hoping he talked to someone he knew and cared about to come to his senses about us, not some janky psychic who probably wasn’t real.  
“T, why a psychic?”, I put down my menu, confused, because as well as I know this boy I never thought he’d be the type to spill his problems to someone who claims to be ‘magic’ or something.  
He lowers his head, dropping his menu as well, curls falling into his face.  
“Hey, hey, i’m not judging you okay? I’m just trying to understand”, I reach across the table for his hand, but halfway there, he moves his back and I think a piece of my heart shatters.  
“We’re in public”, he reminds me, and I want to roll my eyes at how badly I just want to hold his fucking hand.  
“Are you guys gonna need a few more minutes?”, the waitress asks as she returns to the table harnessing a fancy coffee pot and two large mugs.  
“Yea, sorry”, Timmy says, and the waitress smiles and puts the coffee down before rushing off to help another table.  
“Look, I saw the psychic because I was sitting in a coffee shop without any clue what to do, and the back of my menu advertised it and for some reason it felt like a sign. And it worked, and we’re back now right? That’s all that matters”, he explains like it’s totally normal while he pours our coffee. I must look bewildered because his smile falters.  
“Okay”, I try to process this,”So what did you do? What did she say?”  
“She kissed me.”  
“She KISSED you?”, I ask, and like a switch I can feel my heartbeat pick up. If I was ever in need of a heart attack all I’d have to do was ask Timmy about people he’s hooked up with and I’d be in an ambulance quicker than the blink of an eye.  
“Shhh, can you not yell please and let me explain?”, he keeps his voice low and I shift my head back and forth, feeling my neck pop at the tension there. This time it’s him who tries to reach for my hand, but I lean back in my seat, folding my arms. Anger automatically rips through me at the thought of someone even laying a hand on him let alone _kissing_ him. I wait for his explanation with my bottom lip between my teeth, trying to suppress my mood by chewing it raw.  
“She didn’t really let me explain what was going on, she didn’t even let me see her. I was told to put on a blind fold and she kissed me and then she somehow just knew what was going on. She knew who you were and Liz, and the whole situation”, his words come out rushed and sloppy, not very put together but strung well enough for me to understand.  
“You’re telling me-“  
“Sorry sir but are you ready to order?”, the waitress sweetly cuts me off.  
“Yea, we’ll both have the breakfast sampler”, I say when I see the first thing at the top of the menu before grabbing Timmy’s and handing them back to her.  
“You’re telling me that this woman somehow knew all of your problems because she kissed you?”, I ask, running a hand through my hair.  
He nods.  
“T, do you know how fucking crazy that sounds?”, I drop my filter.  
“Yes, Armie, I know but it was insane to me too at first. But I know she’s real. She knew literally everything. And she told me that we wouldn’t be at rest with ourselves until we were together.”  
I try to take in what he says and as I do I take a big swig of my coffee. We sit in silence for a while then as I go over what the hell to say.  
“Okay”, I finally nod.  
“Okay?”, he asks, eyebrows raised, fingers tapping on the table.  
“Yep”, I breathe. What else can I say? He sounds insane but I believe him, and really it doesn’t matter as long as he wants me.  
To reassure him, I slowly move my foot under the table, nudging the toe of his shoe with my own.  
When he nudges back, not looking at me, tucking a curl behind his ear, I sigh and tentatively move mine away. It causes his eyes to shoot to me, concerned for a second at the loss of contact before I rest it on top of his.  
He lowers his head, closing his eyes as if the movement put him to sleep before letting them flutter back open, and he looks content. This is, sadly, the only way we can make contact in public.  
“Thank you for understanding”, he says, pursing his lips and moving them side to side.  
Luckily our food comes out sooner rather than later and by the time Timmy’s had a whole cup of coffee and two pieces of overly-buttered toast, the whole conversation is a thing of the past.  
“So...what do you wanna do today?”, he asks with a mouth full of eggs.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly...don’t even ask.  
> Merry Christmas everyone :)

Timmy-  
“Okay, we have trail mix, beef jerky, beer, water, a Bluetooth speaker, waterproof phone cases, and...am I forgetting anything?”, Armie asks, his small grocery basket full.   
“Did you bring your sunglasses?”  
“Yea, but I feel like we’re still forgetting something...”, his mouth puckers in deep thought.   
“Don’t ask me, you’re the expert here”, I chuckle and smile up at him, and am rewarded with a small shove to the shoulder.   
I’ve never been kayaking. Armie insists that I’ll be fine because he’s a “pro” at rowing and he apparently can keep me very safe from alligators and deep waters.   
“Hey now, don’t be jealous just because I am a- “  
“Professional”, I cut him off, “I know, I know.”  
“And don’t you forget it”, he says with a wink.  
“Sunscreen!!”, he suddenly yells loud enough for the employee 15 feet from us to turn around with a frown on her face. He sheepishly waves at her before turning his attention back to me.   
“What?”, I ask, caught off guard.  
“That’s what we forgot!! Sunscreen!”, he replies, making a 180 and doubling back down the aisles with his neck craned, trying to find the skin care section.  
“You probably don’t even need sunscreen. You probably need the spf 8 tanning oil while I need 100+”, I tell him, faking annoyance at his olive-toned skin.   
He fails miserably to suppress a grin as he plunks off a bottle of sunscreen along with a bottle of oil from the shelf and into his basket. He’s moving quick, full of energy today, and his good mood is most definitely contagious.   
“Okay, that’s it, to the car my lord!”, he turns, walking down the aisle towards the registers.  
My lord? Who the hell is this & what have they done with Armie. I follow him with no hesitancy, attempting to keep up with his long strides.   
Once we get back in the car, Armie pulls out of the lot quickly, his excitement showing through his speed on the road. He stops off at the Starbucks we pass just for me, because he knows I can’t function without the caffeine, and then we’re back on the road, me navigating, him on music duty.   
After pulling off of the highway and going down a single lane road for over 2 miles, the road turns to rocky gravel, forcing Armie to go at a slower rate to be able to see through all of the dust in the air.  
I find myself tensing up when I realize I can’t see a thing through the dirt. It’s not long after that though that Armie slams on the brakes, my body flying forward towards the windshield.  
The closed red gate that stops us in our path is discouraging. We sit there idly, as there is not any way to move forward, and I look over to see Armie’s mouth open, eyes wide.   
“What the shit?!”, he says, completely baffled at the closed gate. On the other side of it, maybe 100 yards away sits a white van amongst a line of trees, along with what appears to be a small gas station, minus the gas pumps.   
“Should we check in there?”, I ask, mostly because our only other option is to turn around.  
“Why not?”, he decides, turning off the car with one hand and opening his door with the other. The heat that runs over me is both uninviting and murky, hanging around my skin like a heavy, wet sweater.   
“Well, as much as I love this place so far, I have to say that the weather here sucks compared to back home”, I can’t help but observe. Armie laughs at that.  
“Hang in there, babe.”  
After trekking through the dust and heat, we make it to the door of the strange little building, ducking in with high hopes of air conditioner. We are graciously rewarded, the cool air inside like a shield in a seemingly hopeless battle. Inside is set up exactly like a gas station, and the radio plays throughout the place, which is completely empty. I suddenly feel like we’re in the beginning scene of a horror movie.   
“Maybe we should just leave”, exits my mouth at the same time that Armie lets out a resounding,   
“Hello?!”, and I want to punch him in the face.   
There’s no answer at first, and as the lines of Andy Williams’ ‘Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing’ flow around the room, I feel more and more ill at the thought of remaining in the store. A clatter suddenly sounds, followed by a loud yelp.  
“Goddamnit!”, A gruff voice calls from somewhere unseen.  
A small, overall covered man with a short and scruffy white beard comes into view, rounding the corner from where the bags of potato chips lay. When he sees Armie and I standing there, he lets out another concerned cry.  
“Oh! Jiminy Cricket, you boys scared the hell outta me! I really need to get that damn bell above the door fixed before someone gives me a damned heart-attack. I may be ancient but it’s no-where near my time to go, if you know what I mean. Anyway, my name is Silver, yes like the color, and I am the owner here. I assume you boys are plannin’ on doin’ some kayakin’ today?”, the man says, shaking both of our hands in the process and leading us towards the front counter.   
“Nice to meet you, I’m Armie, and this is Timothee. Yes sir, we are, but it looks like you guys aren’t even open, the red gate is closed up”, Armie tells the white-haired man, who chuckles.  
“Oh dear, did I forget to open that up again? Well, you know how old men are, always losin’ their heads one way or another. Or at least that’s what my wife tells me. Myrtle is always right.” He shakes his head up and down like the words he’s saying are what he lives by.  
“That’s alright, I’ll call Raymond to come get y’all and bring you down to the river. Would you boys like two singles, or a double?” 

Armie-  
After deciding on two singles, which was more of Timmy’s idea than it was mine, Silver talks to a man on the phone, and laughs heartily after sorting out all of the details.  
“Did you hear me Ray? I forgot to open up the gate again!”, he laughs, unable to control the giggles that escape his chest.  
Timmy looks up at me.  
“You sure you’re okay to have a kayak to yourself? Not scared you’ll flip?”, I’m only teasing him, but if something did happen to him I would forgive myself.   
“I’ll be fine”, he responds with a smile, rolling his eyes.  
“Oh, I know you will be, I just can’t get the picture of you resting between my legs as we row along in the same kayak out of my head”, I nudge his hip.  
“You perv”, he jokes, pushing me back.  
“Oh, you love it”, I reply as Silver hangs up the phone.  
“Well kids, Raymond will be here in 5 minutes to pick you up.”  
“Thanks sir, Timmy and I are going to step out really quick to grab our stuff from the car”, I inform him.  
“Alrighty, you boys watch out for the coyote’s now.”  
We both chuckle, but the man looks at us straight faced as we exit the building.  
“Thank god we got out of there, that music was enough to freak me out. It’s weird being out here in the middle of nowhere”, T squints at me through the sun.  
As we walk, I pull him to me by his belt loop, wrapping an arm around his waist.   
“I’ve got you.”  
“I know you do.”  
We grab our stuff from the car and hear the honk of a horn and the crunching of tires over rocks as we lock the door of the car. A white van comes into view, driving and parking in front of us. More kayakers?

Timmy-  
I pull my sunglasses over my eyes when the van comes into view, trying to block the dust flying and the sun shining. When it stops, a man thinner than me climbs out, ripped white tank top and running shorts on. This man could’ve been pulled straight from the desert with how much dirt covered him.   
“Good mornin’ y’all, i’m Raymond or you can call me Ray. I’m assumin’ y’all are the kayakers?”, he waves, smiling with a few teeth missing. His accent carries a happy mood, and although he sounds like he’s from the deep deep south, his voice reminds me of smooth honey.   
“Yes we are. The man inside said you were going to be taking us to the starting point?”  
“Yes sir I am, just let me load up your kayaks in the back of the van and we’ll be on our way. Take any seat you’d like in there, I’ll be right back.”  
We look at each other before Armie smiles and shrugs, opening the door for me and grabbing my ass as I climb in.  
“Armie!”, I yelp.  
“Sorry it was too tempting!”  
Armie plunges into the seat next to me. He sits with his thigh pressing into my own despite the amount of room we have in the back seat of the van. It makes me smile. Another thought crosses my mind when I look around at the blacked-out windows.  
I grab the side of his face farthest from me and pull him down towards me so that I can whisper to him.  
“Do you think he’s gonna take us somewhere to kill us?”, I ask.   
“What? Because of the van? Timmy you’re being ridiculous”, he giggles.  
“I don’t know this just feels like the beginning of a horror film. I mean cmon, we got into this random white van with a man we don’t know in the middle of nowhere. How are you not suspicious?”  
He turns his face towards me then, stealing a quick kiss before responding.  
“Because if they wanted to kill us they would’ve done it already. Relax, baby. We’ll be fine and it’ll be a great time.”  
Ray appears at that, sticking his head in with a crooked grin.  
“You kids all ready to go?”, he shouts from the front seat.  
“All ready!”  
“Well then, let’s get her goin!”, he climbs into the van, starting it up and rolling the windows down.  
“The river’s start is about 2 miles up the road so it won’t be a long drive”, Ray speaks again, looking at us through the rear view mirror.   
We don’t talk much after that but I can’t help being nervous with a man we don’t know driving us in an inconspicuous white van down a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. Raymond leans over to turn on a CD and shuffles through to the fifth track. We listen as a soft interlude plays over the speakers and I take the time to appreciate the nature passing us. Pine trees everywhere. Until the words begin and the whole atmosphere shifts.

Armie-  
The song begins in a random way, the mood wasn’t set for a soft guitar melody, but the second the voice begins to sing it’s easy to slip into the words.  
“We pass in the hall on our way to separate rooms.   
The only time we’ll ever talk is when the monthly bills are due.   
We go to work, we go to church.   
We fake a perfect life.”  
I tense up on accident as each sentence is sung. Timmy must notice because his hand is swiftly snuck underneath my own palm which was clenched onto the seat beside me. I don’t look at him but can feel his eyes on me as I take in the words, moved by their meaning. Moved by how similar they are to my life.   
“I passed the point of giving a damn.   
All my tears are cried.” My breath catches in my throat a little and Timmy squeezes my hand in reassurance. His voice conveys such deep emotions that I feel as though i’m living his pain alongside my own. Ray begins to belt at the chorus.  
“We can just go on like this, or say the word we’ll call it quits.   
Baby you can go or you can stay.  
But I won’t love you anyway.”  
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck, i’m fine. I’m great. I’m a grown-ass man who is not about to cry about his life over a country song in the back of a creeper van while sitting next to my ((boy)friend??)  
I refuse to be that guy. So instead of crying like a little bitch, I shove the sadness to the side and lean forward towards Ray, squeezing Timmy’s hand in the process.  
“This guy’s voice is amazing. Who is this?”  
Raymond looks at me in disbelief in the rear view mirror, squinting like i’m some sort of unidentified animal.  
“Goodness, you must not be from around here if you don’t know who Chris Stapleton is.”  
All I can do is shrug.


End file.
